There are acceptable ways to combine MMA with other sports and activities. Combining arm wrestling with MMA may be Snooki levels of stupid, which is probably why it currently has the support of Snooki’s highly successful TV producers. Combining MMA with football/rugby… well, let’s just say that it could be worse. Combining BMX with MMA turns out to be surprisingly non-shitty … WHEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE DO THE BMX AND THE MMA PARTS. The one absolute requirement for having a successful experience in MMA (besides having limbs) seems to be not simultaneously operating a motor vehicle.

Last Saturday, a 33-year-old heavyweight MMA fighter in Bremerton, Washington allegedly forgot about this requirement when he choked a buddy’s girlfriend unconscious while she was driving a car, causing her to piss her pants. Evidently, the fearsome attack also caused the woman to push the brake pedal, bringing the car to a complete stop. Both of the men were then arrested after it was discovered that the woman’s boyfriend had an outstanding warrant. Here is the Bremerton Patriot’s account of the incident:

The woman said the 33-year-old heavyweight MMA fighter was visiting from California and is a friend of her 33-year-old boyfriend. When she and her boyfriend went to pick the friend up in Seattle earlier in the day, he was intoxicated. The three of them decided to have some drinks in Chico but the friend became rowdy and since the woman said she was “in the best shape” of the three of them, she drove them to her boyfriend’s East Bremerton residence.

While driving, the friend became more belligerent and when the woman yelled back at him, he grabbed her by the neck and began choking her, according to reports. She grabbed for a knife that she keeps for self defense but decided not to stab the man. She told the deputy she only remembers pounding on the steering wheel in an attempt to get some oxygen before passing out. Before passing out, she was able to slam the brakes and bring the vehicle to a stop.

When she gained consciousness, she realized she had urinated in her pants and went to a friend’s house to change her pants and called 9-1-1. She told her boyfriend to come with her, but he remained with his friend.

Both the boyfriend and the friend denied that an assault occurred. They said the woman was driving recklessly and they wanted to get out of the vehicle. The deputy didn’t observe any marks on the woman’s neck but did observe the soiled driver’s seat and a knife on the floorboard of the vehicle.

Ohhhh… So the guy was preventing her from driving so badly by choking her out while she was behind the wheel. So really, he’s no different from Jason “Mayhem” Miller; this is a glowing endorsement of the reasonableness of his behavior. Perfect! The logic behind the arrest also shines with the light of pure reason. There is no proof that anyone was choked except for a puddle of piss and the statements of an “obviously” intoxicated woman who claims to have been able to bring a car to a complete stop while being choked unconscious. That’s obviously all we’ll need to get a conviction out of this. Book ‘em, Danno!