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Assuming you had better things to do last night, like hit the happy hour with the free wings, catch up on your correspondence, or give yourself an enema, you probably missed the weigh-ins for tonight’s UFC event. Well, that’s why we’re here – to make sure you don’t miss a thing, even something as lameass as the weigh-ins. You just gotta look at it through the appropriate lens and you can find humor in anything.

Here are some observations:

-It’s not that Jon Anik is a bad announcer. He’s actually very good. But he’s just not Joe Rogan. While Rogan wears insanely tight Pride t-shirts and is full of so much intensity it looks like at any second his neck veins are going to explode, Anik rocks a stupid yellow sweatshirt and calls the event in a perfectly acceptable, yet less than excitable manner.

-The new Octagon chicks – of which we’ve already provided you pervs a plethora of viewing pleasure – are looking good. Sure, they’re not Arianny and Brittany, but who the hell is, you high-standard havin’ mother fucker. Then again, nor are they Junior dos Santos’ wife. And if you look closely, the one wearing the green shorts is sporting a slight camel toe, which is always a bonus.

-Not that anyone gives a shit about the undercard for this event, but Andrew Craig is one of the guys on it and his pimpin’ white-boy corn rows definitely deserve a mention.

-Khabib Nurmagomedov is not only a lightweight to watch out for, but he had on a great shirt that read, “If Sambo was Easy It Would Be Called Jiu Jitsu.” Thems fightin’ words down in Brazil.

-Big Ben Rothwell hired a nutritionist and it shows. His floppers are a little less floppy than usual.

-How C.B. Dollaway got himself a co-main event slot is beyond understanding. He must have incriminating photos of Joe Silva or something.

-Vitor is rocking a creepy looking Mohawk, lookin’ kinda like Travis Bickle. He and Bisping have a few words, nothing like at the press conference, but enough to keep up the excitement for their fight.