[youtube NA9ZDIBSloY]

I know, I know, you don’t want to spend your Saturday morning watching desiccated men in teensy underwear. But this card is so damn good you don’t want to miss a thing about it. Not to mention the weigh-ins always provide not only a plethora of shit to make fun of, but also some hidden clues as to how the event will go. Here are some of the highlights you’ll miss if you don’t check it out:

  • Watch Ariel Helwani damn near freeze to death on the street.
  • The woman from the Illinois State Athletic Commission is standing in perfect position to catch a wave of armpit whiff from guys who are intentionally trying to sweat.
  • Clay Guida taking an excruciatingly long time to get on the scale, only to miss weight by a pound. He then removes his gigantic socks and hits his mark.
  • Matt Wiman finally realizes that labeling yourself “Handsome” is pretty stupid, especially when you’re of no better than average looks. So don’t be calling him that anymore, now he’s just Matt Wiman.
  • Buffer’s suave ass is mackin’ hard on Arianny in the background. I wonder if he ever hit that.
  • Glover Teixeira rocks the Chuck Liddell skull and crossbones sign after making weight. And it’s amazing how much John Hackleman looks like he could be Chuck’s dad.
  • Rampage gets in Teixeira’s face and has a lot to say, presumably giving him sage advice about how badly the UFC fucks over its fighters.
  • Jon Dodson rolls out reppin’ Pop Rocks and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
  • Nice to see Demetrious Johnson get some fan love. The poor bastard is a UFC champion and all anyone ever talks about is the lack of interest in his division. My feeling is that it’s not so much the division, but our societal fear of people with floppy-ass ears that causes such intense exclusionary prejudice. A fireworks fight tonight could help that fade that bigotry some.