After 18 seasons of the Ultimate Fighter, ‘TUF Alumni’ doesn’t mean what it used to. Especially if you’re alumni that didn’t even make it into the house. That’s the case with Ray Elbe, eliminated in the entry round of TUF US vs UK. But ‘news’ just came out that a chick snapped Elbe’s dick in half during sex and goddamn it, you don’t have to be Chuck Liddell for me to post about that happening to you. Ray’s first hand account of the incident:

Girl was on top… Went higher than 8 1/2″ I’m the air and Arona’d my dyck. Dr. Is sending me for ultra sound now…stuck waiting for the dyk specialist. When it first happened…blood was everywhere…to the point I passed out. Falling face first I ko’d myself on the floor–very smally chipping two teeth and busting my chin– 10 stitches later… My dyck is throbbing with each heart beat…but after the pain injection they’ve given me…the balls ache is gone

No open fracture. Dr just did MRI. Fracture and a slight tear in the urinary tube. Surgery tonight…Dr. Said diagnostic is for a full recovery…though I’ll be in the hospital for 3 days…and be forced to take anti erection pills for 2 weeks In limbo it is still flowing from the one eye… They have been trying to clean the dry blood of my swollen shaft in between my tears and pleads for them to be gentle

You can read the rest of his dyck-snap chronicles here. A few interesting things we’ve learned from this story: Elbe has an 8.5 inch penis. Breaking your penis in Malaysia costs you $6000. And you know you’ve landed a good girl if she personally explains to your parents why they needed to wire you money. Extra points if she offers you a threesome once your penis is no longer shaped like a Z.