“Notice the golden colour and exceptional legs of this particular vintage…”

Remember the mystery of Thiago Silva’s urine sample that got him yanked from his planned match with Rampage?  Well the results finally came back, and let’s just say that it’s probably not what most folks expected.  Did he test positive for steroids?  Horsemeat?  Tiger blood?  Goofballs?  Nope, he actually didn’t piss hot for anything at all… because it turns out it’s not his piss in the first place.  In fact, it’s not even human.

The Nevada State Athletic Commission says that both of Thiago’s samples were “inconsistent with human urine”, so the obvious conclusion is that he “submitted an adulterated and/or substituted specimen”.  His first “Sample A” was tested and flagged by Quest Diagnostics, so the second “Sample B” was then sent to the World Anti-Doping Agency accredited Sports Medicine Research & Testing Laboratory, who confirmed the first result.  So yeah, it’s pretty much really really for sure.  And you thought I was just joking when I referred to it as lemonade.

Silva was already unofficially benched by the UFC while they waited for the results, and he’s now for-reals suspended by the NSAC at least until a hearing set for April 7th, where he could be slapped with a suspension and/or fine and/or a “no contest” ruling for his win over Brandon Vera.  But really, the safe bet is “all of the above,” because come on, he’s not talking his way out of this.