The world of MMA memorabilia collecting is a pretty shady and borderline maniacal place. The biggest dealer’s name is Brett, but he has to call himself “Otis” as a form of witness protection because he fears that rabid MMA junkies (no, not those) will mug him and steal his posters. As silly as that might sound, eyeball some of the most obsessive people who collect MMA stuff and you’ll understand. This guy would DEFINITELY have sex with Rickson Gracie in a heartbeat given the chance, but he’s not gay. I’m not even saying that in a prison-induced-circumstances kind of way; it’s really just a higher plane of Greek-Platonic MMA love.

I myself have succumbed to the urge to buy many MMA posters over the years, and I have some of the coolest ones out there. PRIDE butterfly poster? Check. Card-autographed Ultimate Fighter 1 finale poster? Check. The Joe Rogan collection? One of each. Card-autographed Randy vs. Big Poopy poster? I have three. So when I read that Zuffa was producing a special UFC 144 poster portraying Quinton Jackson as Godzilla, I was electrified. I assumed that stacks of them would come around like most other UFC posters. I couldn’t find one on eBay, but while jerking off to the poster, my eyes strayed to the bottom and found a UFC store web address.

I threw my phone that has Google Wallet on it at my computer monitor in an attempt to order more quickly, but I failed. It appears that the UFC only produced 20 of these posters (and charged $200 apiece for them). A cynic might assume that my quest to obtain one of these babies would end thusly, but not so! I am determined to picket outside of UFC headquarters along with all of the the rape victims and chefs until the UFC decides to print more of them. Better yet, if you’re one of the 20 people who got one, please, for the love of god, give it to me. I’ll pay out the ass for it, if you know what i mean *wink*.