(featuring Batista versus Who The Fuck Cares!)

Former WWE superstar Batista’s MMA debut is just a week away but there’s a few small snags that have to be worked through. Like who he’s going to fight:

Bautista’s original opponent was Rashid Evans, whose main claim to fame is that his name would be easily confused with one of the biggest stars in the sport. He was given the lottery ticket of being someone who had never had a pro fight, but was going to get to headline a pay-per-view. The downside is that Evans was incarcerated, but according to trainer Phil Dunlap of Advanced Fighting Systems in Mahwah, N.J., they were able to get him released based on the fact he was given this opportunity.

According to Dunlap, Evans violated the terms of his probation, when caught driving without his license, and then panicked when police tried to pull him over. He’s back in jail and won’t be out until after the fight.

The golden ticket was then passed to Bruno McKee, a super heavyweight at his gym that also would have been making his pro debut after a few amateur fights. But days ago McKee, a part-time fighter compared with Tank Abbott, pulled out, from a combination of nerves and feeling he wasn’t going to have enough training time to get ready, according to sources.

Pat Sullivan, who is promoting the show for Classic Entertainment & Sports, Inc., said that there was a new opponent, but when asked his name, said he had to get off the phone and subsequent phone calls have not been returned.

Will Batista pull a Jon Jones and refuse to fight on Saturday? Maybe if the promoters can’t locate a can and actually have to start offering up guys with actual experience. But I’m sure they will eventually find one of those oh so rare guys both unprofessional enough to have no chance of winning but professional enough to avoid incarceration and actually show up on fight night.