My cable bill was $195.68 for last month, and there wasn’t even a pay per view on it. It’s safe to say I have every channel known to man. I have all the movie channels, sports packages, HD bullshit that I’m convinced makes no difference whatsoever, on-demand, DVR in every room, and Howard TV where just last night I watched three downright nasty mother fuckers use their teeth to remove a playing card from some fat guy’s nut sack. I got it all. Except FUEL. So it’s really no big surprise that the UFC on FX 5 prelims pulled in an abysmal 44,000 viewers. It was on FUEL, and fewer people get that shit than get the Bubonic Plague.

I understand that FUEL was part of the FOX deal. The suits at FOX knew showing the UFC on there would shore up their garbage network. After all, the UFC made SPIKE. They could do the same for FUEL. But even when SPIKE was more painful to watch than the Hallmark channel they were still part of most cable packages. FUEL is available in only 26 million American households.

I admit something wicked. My wand got a bit stiff when I saw that figure: 44,000. Not because I want MMA or the UFC to fail, but because I can’t watch my fights and it irritates me and I’m an immature prick like that. I WILL take my ball and go home. Sure, they can pawn some of that off on the event being on a Friday night. Some of it can be attributed to the start time, 2pm on the west coast, when most people are still aimlessly wandering around town pretending to be looking for a job. And some, although I would argue very little, on the fact that the main under card fight was scrapped due to one half of it sitting in jail awaiting a bail hearing. But considering the lowest number FUEL had yet to post was 84,000, this is a huge drop, and most of it is because of the simple fact that FUEL is a suck ass network that nobody gets.

On a positive note, the main card on FX did ok with just under 1.1 million viewers, and because it was used as a lead in for The Ultimate Fighter, the show posted decent ratings as well with just over a million. See, it’s not all about the negativity here. I just wish to point out that this is what happens when you offer consumers a good product that they can actually fucking watch.