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On Friday afternoon, Tito Ortiz held what has the be the most unintentionally hilarious press conference the world has ever seen to announce the baffling news that Cris Cyborg had signed with Invicta. A real, totally accurate quote from the start of the conference:

Good evening lebs and gentleman. Of course I’m Tito Ortiz. Welcome to press conference for the future of Cristina uh Santos Cyborg. My company Primetime 360 that we started literally last year and I wanna just work on the future of MMA fighters. So the last 15 years of my career, I worked very hard to be as most diligent as possibly could of the future of my career. So now it’s time to work for the future of other people’s careers. With of course my partner George Prejean and Tony and of course our client Cris Cyborg.

I wanted to work on the future of her career. People wanted to see her in the UFC fight at 135 which is literally impossible for her to happen to make that weight. And we’ll show you tonight the reason this is going to happen. But the future of her career and fighting career is in my hands and my hands are as solid around her as possibly and to make sure the future of her fight career no matter what is as successful as possible and tonight we’re going to show that. So we’ve actually worked very hard of working for Cris’s future of what she’s gonna be doing of her fighting and we have her fight actually will be happening in April.

Nailed it! And where has Tito’s solid hands placed Cris? Why, into the Invicta Fighting Championships where she will face Ediane Gomes on April 5th. This is slightly shocking to everyone with any knowledge of negotiations, since Dana White had recently said he was willing to farm Cyborg out to Invicta until a catchweight superfight with Rousey made sense. Here he is reiterating that point in London:

“We were going to sign her to a contract and we were going to have her fight in Invicta, which means we pay all the bills for her to fight in Invicta. She’d be under a UFC contract with all the perks and benefits of being a UFC fighter and would fight in Invicta. So instead of doing that they chose to not do that and fight in Invicta,” White continued, summing things up. “If you can make logic out of that whole f*cking situation, you’re a better man than I am.”

The smart money was on Cris bouncing to Bellator where she could star in regular one-off freakshow matches for fun and profit. But smart doesn’t seem to come into play when you’re dealing with Tito Ortiz and the geniuses behind Primetime 360. Maybe there is some method to their madness where they will chase one fight deals wherever they may arise. Maybe the original deal with Cyborg had no PPV points and this was a savvy ploy to make sure she gets some o’ dat when the Rousey fight comes to fruition in another fight or two. Or maybe Tito and Cris are dumbasses who have no idea what they’re doing. After that press conference, I’m leaning towards the latter.