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Spank Tank: UFC Rio ring girl roundup

For the first time since the dark ages of human cockfighting, the UFC will return to Brazil for “UFC: UFC Rio” on August 27th.  Beyond the obvious question as to which Brazilian fighters will be featured at this event, there’s another pertinent question on the mind of many a UFC fan.  No, it’s not: “Can Royce Gracie be on the card?” No. Sweet Christ, no. Only Royce himself is asking that question, and hopefully no one is listening.

No, dear readers, the query I speak of is the same one that has applied to every event and gathering since the dawn of human existence: “Will there be titty?”  More specifically, will there be Brazilian titty? To which Dana White has replied, “Fucking A!” That may or may not be a direct quote, but the point is that The Baldfather has confirmed to Premiere Combate that “we’re seriously thinking about using a local girl” for the Rio show.

Naturally, this set the Portuguese-speaking internets on fire with a no-doubt very highbrow and respectful debate on which local female talent should get the nod. The word is that the current #1 pound-for-pound favourite is Juliana “Juju” Salimeni.  She’s on some popular comedy TV show as a ‘panicat’ (background dancer), and is apparently a big enough deal in the Brazilian lad magazines these days that she’s on the cover of this month’s Brazilian edition of Playboy.  Plus she’s worked as a ring-card girl at least once before, so rest assured she has the skills to slowly walk in a circle and hold up a cardboard sign at the same time.

After the jump: 14 notable Juju selections in order from mildly to quite NSFW, and then some of the other candidates for the Rio ring girl gig. Again: There be nudity beyond. Explicit Brazilian nudity.


From the PB spread:

The #2 spot in the voting is held by one of Juju’s fellow Panicats, Barbara Rossi, who combines the smile of Natasha with the boobs of Arianny, the hair of Rachelle, and the booty of Chandella:

I’d also like to nominate Suzana “Taizinha” Alves.  She also started as a dancer on some show (like ” target=”_blank”>J-Lo on “In Living Color”?), had her own hit Playboy spread, and even starred in her own action-adventure TV series… presumably one that involved wearing a Lone Ranger mask and little else while climbing fire-escapes and stuff.

Could the practice of using local hotties at the non-US shows become a regular thing?  If so, I hereby suggest rehiring Edith LaBoobs for the Montreal shows, poach Rhian Sugden from whatever UK D-league she works for, and… what the hell, let’s go with Katja Kassin (VERY NSFW) for the German gangbangs events. Those freaky Krauts would love it, I tell you.