One piece of news emerging from the backstage cesspool of UFC 135 was the fact that Jon Jones rebuked Steven Seagal’s request to speak with him before his fight. One might question how anyone could turn away the self-appointed Dalai Lama of MMA, especially because they are such intimate buddies that they might as well be domestic partners. Seagal claims that Jones is “a friend” and that he has given Jones training pointers about the front kick: “Him and I did talk about that, but he hasn’t learned it yet.” He is clearly an authority on MMA; so what if Seagal was “so tired that he fell asleep” and “forgot to go to the bathroom beforehand” when Gene LeBell put him in a chokehold? But Jones seems to have a different opinion, evidently seeing Seagal as some kind of creepy, weird interloper who might spy on him for Lyoto Machida:

I’m not sure how he got my number, but he was just like, ‘Hey, listen. I think you’re gonna win the fight and when I predict someone’s gonna win I’m never wrong. I’ve been watching the sport for so many years I’m never wrong when I make my predictions and there’s things I want to go over with you and things like that.’ It was all very strange. I don’t want to badmouth him too bad. He had good intentions, I think, but I definitely wasn’t interested in having Steven Seagal in my corner. Obviously if it was Jet Li or someone…Jet Li would be pretty cool.I definitely would take that call for sure.

I just thought it was interesting. First off, you never know what people’s motives are, especially to chat with a guy that coaches Lyoto Machida. Machida is definitely somebody I want to fight in my near future and I just didn’t want to share my psychology with him or just who I am leading up to the fight that would put me at a disadvantage in the future. So I just told him I thought it was best if he kind of stayed away.

Clearly, Jon Jones will never be the fighter that he could be without paying homage to the wisdom of the star of such films as “The Onion Movie”, in which Seagal was unforgettable in his role as Cock Puncher. Why can’t Seagal simply content himself with being the best fighter on earth, a seventh-degree martial arts master, a talented musician (see above), and the guy who taught Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida how to knock people out in order to make room in our collective MMA consciousness for a REAL kung fu movie star, Jet Li? Li could simply rename Jones’s opponent Romeo, tell him to die, and it would come to pass in a whirlwind of needs-to-be-slowed-down-to-be-seen violence. In fact, I’ll take any one of the Expendables over Seagal any day.