It’s already been established that Ronda Rousey will not fight Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos at 145. She’s said so in multiple interviews, and she reminded us all again recently. All that’s left is to establish why. Is she ducking the former 145-pound champ, possibly because smashing pretty blonde ladies in the face makes Cyborg growl with pleasure? No—it’s because Cyborg is on drugs:

“I could, but I’m choosing not to because honestly, I don’t trust any of the drug testing. The only way I can really feel like it would be a fair fight is if it’s down at 135. If she’s doped to the gills and making 145, it’s not really that far-fetched for me to think that someone not on steroids could move down a division.”

Rhetoric students, take note. Rousey won’t fight Cyborg at 145 because, even if the previously-suspended Brazilian passes a drug test, Rousey can’t trust it. Since Cyborg weighed 145 when she tested positive for steroids, she should be able to come down to 135. If she doesn’t, she’s obviously still on drugs. There could be no other reason—not even the advice that Cyborg’s doctor gave her not to cut weight:

“Is this the same doctor that was giving you the steroids? What do you think he tells his other girls when you’re pumped full of roids, pummeling them in the face? It just sounds so hypocritical to me. I can’t stand it.”

Presumably, Cyborg and her opponents do not all use the same doctor, but the point still stands: even though drug tests are unreliable, Rousey knows Cyborg is still on steroids, and she can barely tolerate Santos’s hypocrisy long enough for her to lose ten pounds. In the meantime, she will continue as champion of the division that does not contain the most dominant female fighter in MMA history. It’s a tough situation, but it beats a punch in the nose, as they say.

(That’s it folks … the end of Dan Brooks’ run guest blogging here at Fightlinker. If you wish to continue basking in his wit you will have to check him out over at his own site, Combat Blog. We thank him for his valiant service and now look forward to October’s guest blogger, none other than Matthew Polly!)