“Luke, Luuuuuke, I am you stoner.” So said Seth Rogan’s character in the film Knocked Up as he was puffing some green through a gas mask. But that was a silly ass mid-20’s guy sitting around acting a fool with his buddies. Matt Riddle likes to get his smoke on too, but he’s a silly ass UFC fighter who popped hot on a drug test. The difference – not a whole hell of a lot.

Riddle is 26, sports a teenager’s floppy hairdo, likes to fight, plays Xbox 360, and came out to Beat It at UFC 101. No for real, he did, I was there. The fact that he would engage in the puffing of trees is not cause for concern. It makes him a totally normal 26 year old American male.

Recently Riddle Tweeted a picture of his medical marijuana card to the world, just to prove, ya know, it’s legit ‘n stuff, because he’s got the card. Next he went on The MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani and tried to justify it on the grounds that he is not in fact a stoner, but only smokes to combat the pesky annoyances of daily life.

“I do smoke but I’m not smoking to get stoned. I’m smoking so I can finally relax, sit back and just not worry about things. People, maybe they did it in college one way, but for a guy like me, for a professional athlete that goes through what we go through, it’s medicine for me. Maybe for some little stoner sitting on the couch playing XBox, for him, it’s a drug. For me, it’s medicine.”

Well great, join the freakin’ club. As far as I’m concerned, Riddle needn’t justify himself. What he needs to do is ditch the “for me, it’s medicine” routine and just own it. Nobody’s buying that medicine shit. He’s a kid who smoked weed and got caught. Because he’s a UFC fighter we’re supposed to hold him to a higher standard? Please, son.

People from all walks of life smoke. I know lawyers, engineers, and corporate managers who smoke, as well as 30 year old slack-ass basement dwellers. Sometimes it’s for legitimate medical reasons. Most times it’s just to escape reality and get fucking blasted, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Life is hard man, certainly nothing horrible about the occasional escape from reality. Hell, if I was the kind of smoker who could actually get shit done, I’d probably still smoke, often. But I’m not. I’m the smoker who sits on the couch watching Family Guy re-runs and ordering $30 of Mexican food from the Chinese restaurant.

Judge not too harshly here, cruel maven. Most of us enjoy taking a drink or ten. Is there really a difference? Actually there is, drunk drivers actually kill people. Alcohol is also the mitigating factor is most domestic violence cases, as well as child abuse cases. The nature of pot doesn’t really lend itself to such things. But booze doesn’t carry the same stigma because it’s legal all over and everyone likes to drink.

The one thing that should not be confused though, is Riddle wants us to know this isn’t some bullshit Cali card where you walk in with chapped lips and walk out with an ounce of fine herb. His shit is legit, and not to be confused in any way with Nick Diaz’s.

“It’s not one of those California, Nick Diaz cards where you can go into a store, pay 50 bucks and walk out.”

Riiight. If there’s a real difference, it’s that Diaz probably actually needs it, and the world should encourage a sociopathic dude like that to smoke as much weed as possible, whereas Riddle is just a young guy trying to justify a ludicrous position.