Goldberg, Rogan, and White must be terribly disappointed that they all went to the same Men’s Wearhouse, bought collared black dress shirts off the same rack, and only got to enjoy their new BFF look for 1 minute and 4 seconds of activity. It’s not like the UFC was not warned that putting two heavy-handed heavyweights on as the only fight for an hour-long broadcast was dangerous. The two kids in the TapouT commercial, Carlos and Giovanni Ruffo, lasted longer and were more memorable.

Dana was as nervous as I have seen him since UFC 30 when he used to have some stubble on his skull. That he loves the sport, the success, and the attention so much is what mitigates against his many flaws. That he spent nearly forty minutes on live TV constantly reminding himself not to use the word “fuck” as a noun, verb, or adjective is why many of us wonder if he is ready for primetime. His left hand was visibly shaking like a drunk with DTs both before the match (when he was trying to be charming) and after (when he was trying not to scream). If Brock Lesnar displays more poise and self-restraint than you, you may want to rethink being the face of MMA.

Speaking of faces, how is it that of all the people on the broadcast, “Big” John McCarthy had the smallest, most proportional skull? He did his job with the skill and restraint we’ve come to expect from him over nearly twenty years. So did the Fox production team who even in the mawkish, sepia-toned, Olympic profile segments managed to cover the fact that the audience had been dick teased for 58 minutes and 56 seconds. The lead up episode of Cops was more action packed.

All in all, a huge missed opportunity.

(Matt Polly is our bigwig book writin’ contributor who’s latest tome ‘Tapped Out’ comes out this week! Are you excited? Because we are, and I’ve already read the thing three times.)