For a man who knows everything about every single kickboxer to ever come out of Eastern Europe’s asshole, HDNet mic man Michael Schiavello sure has an interesting interpretation of how steroid testing works:

You know, while we’re talking about the subject, Kenny, I just wanna chime in here on a couple things that have been playing on my mind, the last week or so, since the news of Alistair (Overeem) broke. Alistair doesn’t have a license with the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC), so how are they testing him in the first place when he doesn’t have a license with them? By what jurisdiction are they testing him? And ‘B,’ everyone seems to be hanging Alistair out to dry. They’ve been nailing him to the cross and crucifying him, but it’s still two months away from his fight. You know, he hasn’t technically cheated. Because, unless he pisses hot on the fight night, how could he possibly have cheated? There’s still an opportunity he can get from the 14:1 down to the allowed 6:1 level by fight time. But we’re calling him out as a cheat, two months out from a fight?

I feel like I have battered wife syndrome. I’ve been getting punched in the face with all this steroid crap for so long that a part of me thinks the above statement almost makes sense. MMA Mania pokes holes in the licensing argument:

The “conditional license” granted for Overeem to fight Lesnar at UFC 141 carried a condition that he was subject to two drug tests in the following six months. Speaking to NSAC Executive Director Keith Kizer, Overeem’s failed test was the first of those two tests.

For those who argue that the NSAC had no jurisdiction to test Overeem because the conditional license he was granted at UFC 141 expired on Dec. 31, 2012 (one-day after the event), thanks for playing, but I wouldn’t hang my future on that argument. While the conditional license granted for UFC 141 expired, the agreement to the subsequent drug tests over the next six months did not.

Schiavello also said he believes 99% of top fighters are juicing, a number I can only hope is just as wrong as his other statement. But I’ve heard other people who should know throwing out numbers in the similarly depressing 90s as well. Even if these guys are so wrong they doubled their numbers, it would still mean 45% – nearly half – of top MMA fighters are probably using PEDs. And if you times that by 3, you get 135%. Square that and you’ll see an unbelievable 18225% of all MMA fighters are using. ZOMG!

(gif by Gordo, and yes there are more strange Schiavello / Overeem creations by him after the jump)