Sometimes I swear TMZ only started following MMA because they knew it was going to be full of athletes flaming out in spectacular fashion. These are guys who are tailor made for ridiculous tabloid headlines: RAMPAGE’S RAMPAGE! Now, MAYHEM’S MAYHEM! And the inevitable NIGHTMARE’S NIGHTMARE! (You know it’s coming.) So keep that in mind next time it seems like TMZ is being nice with its coverage of the UFC. They’re really just building up the audience’s familiarity with a few key people so it’s more entertaining when they inevitably implode. Watch yer back, Dana. Especially if there’s any truth to half the stuff in your mom’s book.

Unsurprisingly, TMZ is the place to go for mugshots and police photographs from yesterday’s Jason ‘Mayhem’ Miller nude church vandalizing. It isn’t the place for sympathetic concern – that is covered by all the fighters who know him on twitter and reporters like E Specer Kyte that have interacted with the man regularly in the past:

After being entertained by Miller inside and outside of the cage for years, and having thoroughly enjoyed speaking with him on a couple different occasions for stories, my immediate thought is that I hope Jason Miller gets whatever help he needs, and is given the opportunity to deal with whatever personal issues have contributed to this situation. I also hope that he and his family are given the same kind of treatment each and every one of us would want from the media and outside observers if we had to trade places with Miller today. This isn’t about “Mayhem” Miller, the flamboyant mixed martial artist to me, but the person behind the character who appears be in need of help.

This is a pretty standard MMA beltway response whenever ‘things get real.’ Remember when Nick Diaz skipped out on those press conferences and everyone suddenly got concerned that he was face down in a ditch somewhere? Nah, it was just Diaz being an idiot and he was back throwing double f-u fingers by the evening. Rumors of an underlying anxiety disorder continue to this day, but I just pin it down to Nick being Nick.

And this here seems like Mayhem being Mayhem. If it weren’t for the less than hilarious charges being filed against him, we’d probably all be laughing our asses off over the incident. But between the law and his recent firing, this is all being treated as a VERY SERIOUS DEAL INDEED. Does he have severe mental problems??? Is he hooked on drugs? IS IT BATH [email protected][email protected]! (Note: it’s never bath salts.)

Sorry to interrupt everyone’s visions of a downward spiral without end, but busting into a church and fucking things up is pretty wild … if you’re a teenager. Yeah, being naked at the time is a bit strange, but who among us hasn’t gotten so blitzed they’ve decided to strip down and run around naked? Anyone? Anyone? No one? Bueller? Well, I have. And I am a very successful 32 year old blogger who makes fart jokes about MMA. No downward spiral here. No siree.

Maybe this is a sign that Mayhem ‘desperately needs help’, and maybe this is just a guy going through a big life transformation who got shitfaced and decided to rip stuff up a little. I’m having a hard time putting myself into a frame of mind where I should be terribly concerned about Mayhem rather than genuinely amused by his latest antics. I just hope he’s still considered famous enough to get out of the charges with a slap on the wrist. Other than that, well done sir. I look forward to more details in your bestselling autobiography.