Remember when you were a kid; there was always a guy in the neighborhood whose mom would call the other moms to get their kids to stop picking on her baby, or to invite him to birthday parties and stuff. As well-intentioned as this mom may have been, all she really accomplished was making her kid’s life even more of a living hell than it already was. Kids, being the nasty little spawns of Satan that they are, just went at their target harder after that. But a child has an excuse.

Now, an adult? A badass fighting machine? The UFC light-heavyweight champion? Not only is there no excuse, but it’s downright unfathomable. This is the latest mortifying situation Jon Jones finds himself in after a Wrestling Observer article claims he called daddy Dana to tell Chael Sonnen to stop picking on him:

“Jones was very upset after Chael began calling him out and mocking him on Twitter, going as far as to contact White and ask him to tell Chael to stop.”

In the kid scenario, the only way he could ever end the misery is to walk up to one of his tormenters and knock his teeth down his throat. But maybe he was small in stature, or just didn’t have that in him. He may have required intervention. A UFC champion who is not only bigger than everyone in his division, has already beat the living shit out of his top opponents, and whose tormentor is a smaller man possessing not even a puncher’s chance of whooping him doesn’t exactly fit the same bill. And after all the Twitter anguish young Jon was forced to endure, he was given the chance to face his smaller, infinitely less-skilled tormenter in the cage, and he declined.

So the appropriate question isn’t: Why are all the mean kids picking on Jon Jones? The question is: What the hell is up with this guy?