It seems that Jacob Volkmann is trying to become the next Dick from Fightlinker: trying way too hard to make bad jokes that wouldn’t be funny even if delivered perfectly. After saying in the ring that he wanted to tear Obama’s belly button out and insert a glass window to facilitate craniorectal insertion, he increased his class level even further backstage when he told MiddleEasy that he would grab Obama’s arm and “try and rip it” in the event that Volkmann vs. Obama ever occurred. Transcript via CagePotato:

My beef with Obama? It seems like all his decisions, he’s not really thinking them through, he’s basing his decisions, it seems like, on who is paying him the most money. They’re not really logical, they’re not good policies. Like making a home affordable plan, the health care plan he’s got, it’s like, ‘Where’d you come up with that? Were you even thinking when you wrote it?’ I would for sure take him down and submit him. I would try to make it a very painful submission though. Try and do like a Kimura or an armbar, try and rip it.

“His policies are dumb and what’s up with Obamacare?!?” Yeah, what is up with that, bro? Share more astute political insights with us, please! Just let me get a pen so I can write these down. They’re that good.

This isn’t the first time Volkmann has discussed violence against the POTUS, and evidently the only lesson he learned from the first time was that visits from the secret service are totally enjoyable and awesome. There is only one explanation that I can think of: the men in black who visited him were Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones and they ended up having lots of wacky adventures. But to be fair, MiddleEasy did ask Volkmann leading questions practically begging him for more juicy quotes about bashing Obama’s face in. And as we are quickly learning, that’s not too terribly different from pulling Chael Sonnen’s voice toy cord or asking Nick Diaz why weed is awesome.