The “HEAVYSET bystander” Ken Shamrock thought was a dude and beat up while breaking up a fight at a Modesto, CA mall recently has surfaced, and while she may not be the least bit heavyset, her short haircut, sideburns, and masculine nose make it plausible that Ken did indeed believe it was  a man. But that’s just the beginning. The woman, Melinda Garcia, has a completely different version of the story, and it’s a mother fucker for Ken. Again, TMZ got the scoop:

“But Garcia claims it’s all BS … claiming Shamrock didn’t actually break up the original fight, but rather screamed at her to do it … which she did.

Garcia claims Shamrock began to yell at her for not stopping the fight sooner … and then snapped and PUNCHED her in the face.

Garcia says her mom ran over to intervene … and Shamrock punched her too.

Soon after the alleged girl-punching, security and police arrived to the scene … and only then, Garcia says, Shamrock backed off.”

There are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. Ken Shamrock punching a girl AND her mother in the face? For no reason? I gotta call bullshit on that. However, until the police report is released we won’t know what happened, but the one certainty is that Ken Shamrock is, one way or the other, going to end up eating a big, steaming shit sandwich here.

See, it just does not pay to get involved in stuff like that. You could end up getting shot, stabbed, or worse yet, tangled up in a web of legal shit. The smart money says that once this chick found out who Ken was, she got that old fashioned litigious feeling and saw dollar signs. She even said that if the police don’t file charges she’s going to file a civil suit. Look for that civil suit to get filed whether criminal charges are filed or not, by the way.

The joke is going to end up being on Melinda though. Had Chuck Liddell smacked her around, yeah she’d be in for a sweet payday. But Shamrock? I doubt he’s got much loot to spread around these days. The UFC already broke Ken’s piggy-bank when they won a $175,000 judgment against him for legal fees incurred during their defense of his breach of contract suit against them, which of course is being appealed. So whatever money Ken does have is being sucked up in legal fees for continuing his futile course of action against the UFC.

The three lessons to take away from this: 1) It doesn’t pay to be an upstanding citizen, 2) Never get into a fight with a chick with sideburns, and 3) Ken Shamrock brings most of this misfortune on himself.