Here’s a report from Ken Shamrock’s MMA show this past weekend:

In addition, Kristin Niedzulski, the first female MMA competitor produced by the famed Lion’s Den camp, defeated Shawn Tamaribuchi by TKO just 23 seconds into the opening round. Niedzulski mounted her opponent almost immediately and forced the referee stoppage soon after.

Now as the subject first explains, I was initially thinking Kristin’s opponent ‘Shawn’ was a guy. And as much as I respect female MMA, I still think getting smashed in under 30 seconds by a chick has to be the most emasculating thing that will ever happen to you. Except perhaps being dildo raped by the girls from S Club 7. Anyways, the sad truth is ‘Shawn Tamiribuchi’ is a girl. The good news is she’s a fucking psycho:

The artists (Jez Lee and Shawn Tamaribuchi) warned me that someone had passed out the night before, and so I was prepared for some gory exhibitionism. What I wasn’t prepared for was the innocent-seeming, hand-holding and pantless duo that stood smiling sweetly at the audience, playfully lifting their shirts to reveal a pert breast in between playful kisses. Once they reassured the audience with the cloying sweetness of their affection, the modesty-free wonders armed themselves with syringes and snapping rubber and sat down at a dining table to draw each other’s blood, intermittently letting loose snippets of conversation and interaction that signified a new level of PDA.

“Hold the vein down and don’t miss it.”

“The rubber’s breaking!”

“It’s going to explode!”

The scenario is a simple enough one: the duo on stage is drawing each other’s blood so that they can drink it, hence the piece’s name, “Bodyshots.” But what’s mesmerizing is not the act of drinking fresh blood; it’s the dynamic between the two women.

That’s just scratching the surface of who Shawn Tamiribuchi is. As far as I can tell, Shawn is a full fledged homosexual extreme performance artist with a taste for pain. Which makes her almost as cool as Roxanne Modafferi in my books, although about 50 times more intimidating. If only for the sake of diversity in the MMA landscape (how long will Rory Singer be the only openly gay fighter?), I hope Shawn sticks with it and gets somewhere.