Face it … your chances of making it in MMA are pretty slim. Ever since The Ultimate Fighter debuted, every fight camp in North America is swarming with people who have way less of a life and therefore way more time on their hands to train than you. Sure, you might win a fight or two at whatever toughman competition happens in your town. But your career stops when you run into Warren Felterson who spends all his welfare check on steroids and all his time at the gym.

So why not just do something a bit less strenuous. Like American Gladiators. The pay’s pretty decent and you’ve got a good chance of fucking a co-star with an engorged penis-like clitoris. Honestly, were you really satisfied with that Chyna porn tape? Didn’t you say “Boy, I like how it gets up and erect, but now I want the chance to put my mouth on something like that too,”?

Well here’s your fucking chance! This saturday in Venice California, American Gladiators is holding auditions for the return of their show. Note in the casting call they say the new format is “NO-HOLDS-BARRED”. I would love to show up and test that statement out.