Shit happens in the fight game, quite literally. Between nerves and the strain of weight cuts and all the violence being dealt to your body, it’s kind of a miracle people aren’t crapping their pants left right and center in this sport. We did a short history of fighters pooping during fights a while back, and now here’s master storyteller Julie Kedzie on Fightland breaking new ground: she is the first female fighter to admit she shat herself during a fight:

This was the second time I was going to St. Petersburg to fight and it was the first time I was working with Greg Jackson. I’d been training with him for about three weeks, and I really wanted to impress him. We go to Russia. I fought Julia Berezikova, who’s the Russian girl in Russia, so you kind of expect there’s going to be some favoritism — Russian judges, in Russia, at a Russian fight.

Anyway, she breaks my nose in the first round of the fight, but I ended up winning the first round by taking her down. I go back to my corner and Greg is fixing my nose and making sure I’m not bleeding everywhere. And Amanda Buckner, who was the second in my corner, put cold water on the back of my neck. I’d had a lot of fights but I’d never had anyone put cold water on the back of my neck, and it kind of shocked me. And when she did I jumped and I thought I’d farted.

So I go back out there and I win the fight. Then after the fight they rush me onto a bus and I’m still in my gloves, I still have this bloody nose, and it’s insane – I’m still in my fight clothes, and they rush me onto this bus and they ferry us to this high tea at a palace with Vladimir Putin and Silvio Berlosconi. Jean-Claude Van Damme is there, Fedor Emelianenko. Fedor’s my favorite fighter! And I’m ripping my gloves off and I’m like, “God, I smell really bad. What is that smell?” So I run into the bathroom and I realized that I had shit my pants during the fight! I’m meeting Vladimir Putin! I’m with dignitaries, and there’s silk damask and gold everywhere, and I’m sitting there in soiled pants! It’s insane. And there’s no trash cans. So I take my underwear off and I roll it up and I shove it in the corner of the bathroom and then I clean myself up as best as I can, and then I go out there and I’m taking pictures with Berlusconi and Putin, and there are armed guards and everything like that. It was insane! So my memory of fighting in front of dignitaries in this huge arena is that I had shit in my pants.

And Bersluconi hit on me anyway! He came up to me and was like, “Are you single or are you married?” That was one of the most surreal things of my life: this Italian prime minister hitting on me with poop on my pants.

Plus, I was 27 so I was way too old for him anyway.

Imagine the kind of crazy bunga bunga party that goes down when Berlosconi, JCVD, and the Pute get together. I think I just got herpes thinking about it.