The second M-1 used Kevin Randleman as a quality meterstick for the kind of opponent they were seeking out for Fedor’s next fight, I gave up all hope. Not just for Fedor’s career or legacy, but for humanity, life, existence, the universe and everything. Now my despair has been validated. Behold Fedor’s next opponent:

According to former UFC title-contender Jeff Monson via Twitter, he and Emelianenko will face off on November 12 under the M-1 Global banner. Both will be looking to rebound from recent defeats when they clash with Monson falling by points to Daniel Cormier in June and “The Last Emperor” losing to Dan Henderson the following month.

Yep, the 40 year old who was just used as a test for grass green Daniel Cormier will now be facing the former #1 P4P fighter in the world. I’d comment more, but I know you all can put together more compelling expletive filled rantings than me on this one. I’ve had to blog through five goddamn years of this kind of bullshit. No mas, I say. I tap out.

Meanwhile, that other dead-eyed Russian MMA pudgemaster Sergei Kharitonov has his own thoughts on what Fedor needs to return to his winning ways. He thinks God is to blame, and Fedor is to pious:

“Changing things in a big way is unnecesssary. But it is necessary to invite good sparring partners and spend more time in training. In Fedor’s case, he needs to choose: either fully go into religion or fully commit to the training process. I don’t judge Fedor, because I am also a religious person. I also go to church, pray, light candles, but this does not distract me from my main work — training.”

“Judge for yourself, how a person, who follows fasting (note: by fasting what is meant here is depriving yourself of certain foods according to the religion), can approach a fight in an ideal shape ? At this point, you need to retire from the sport. Some time ago, I also tried to follow fasting and in parallel to keep training. It was very hard for me, I put a lot of effort, and lost more than I gained.”

Looking at Fedor, you might ask yourself “How much fasting could this fatty really be doing?” But because he’s part of a goofy eastern orthodox religion, the answer is a lot: “a little over half the year fasting at some level of strictness.” If he’s really doing this and not sneaking copious amounts of twinkies (or ‘ГѴЕИЅЖІЗѠ’, the barley-based Russian equivilant), then yeah I can see that being an issue. The list of MMA athletes who have admitted to fasting is very short, and it hasn’t worked out great for them.