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Leading up to his tenderizing of Jeremy Stephens last month, Donald Cerrone let slip the fact that he’d twisted his stomach in training. Fortunately, this isn’t something your average aspiring MMA fighter needs to worry about. That kinda problem only occurs to people who’ve suffered massive intestinal trauma in their past. Like Cowboy. And where did that trauma come from?

“I was racing some motocross and I wrecked real bad and just kind of spilled my guts out,” Cerrone said. “They had to take a bunch of my intestines and part of my stomach. What happened this time is, my stomach basically rolled around the intestine. Man, talk about pain. It was like someone was stabbing me. Oh, it was so brutal. I had to go to the ER, and basically they had to empty all of my intestines out and then rush water down my stomach and try to get it to unspin, kind of like a garden hose. If you have a kink in the hose, you run water and the pressure will cause it to unravel. It worked, so thank God.”

I also would have believed ‘freak human cannonball accident’ or ‘shark wrangling incident.’ If you’re ever wondering why Dana White has to go on the record and ban Cowboy from bullriding, well there you go. And I bet Cerrone’s still sneaking in heaps of dangerous fun on the sly.

Drinking and wakeboarding! Someone call the sea police!