When Diego Brandao won season 14 of TUF, we all got to see what a cold-blooded, insane serial killer type he was when he promised to buy his mamma a house and donate money to sick Brazilian children. This is just what we would expect from a guy who could easily be mistaken for a starving hyena when he steps into the cage. Well, now he’s bought his mamma that house and told her to quit her job, and Mrs. Brandao is celebrating by getting totally wasted:
Mom had already started partying when he called her the day after submitting Dennis Bermudez in the reality-show’s finale. “I can tell she’s drunk,” Brandao (14-7 MMA, 1-0 UFC) joked as he hung out on the beaches of Barra da Tijuca in Rio de Janeiro. “She’s completely drunk. My friends told me, ‘Eeesh, it was crazy during the fights in Manaus. Everything stopped.'”
It’s good that Brandao treats his mamma well, because according to the well-thumbed copy of the book of Mormon that he carries around with him, his mother will be responsible for reaching down and pulling him through heaven’s dilated birth canal directly into the arms of Joseph Smith when he dies. If he doesn’t become a god himself by that time, that is, and if mamma doesn’t get sentenced to Spirit Prison for drinking devil juice.
From the same interview, regarding what’s next for Diego:
“I want to be a killer,” Brandao said. “I want to be a Mike Tyson. I want to kill the guys.”
When Frank Mir says it, it’s cause for a gigantic shit souflee of culinary union protests, but when Diego Brandao says it, we just want to give him a hug. How could we get mad at that face? The same impulse that drives him to become the next Jeffrey Don Lundgren could also mean that he’s brainwashable enough to do exactly what his coaches say, which ought to make him damn near unstoppable.