Recently, Culinary Union Local 226 accused the UFC of being anti-gay in an attempt to get the UFC’s sponsors to renounce the sport like Elton John renounced pussy. Most people expected Dana White to reply with yet another “This is the fight business, you dumb fucking bitch!” comment. But on Thursday, he took the opposite tack, going out of his way to welcome gay fighters into the UFC’s soft, supple folds with a “UFC <3 teh homosquelchuals” rant:

“I’ll tell you right now, if there’s a gay fighter in the UFC, I wish he would come out. I could care less if there’s a gay fighter in the UFC. There probably is, and there’s probably more than one. It’s 2012. Give me a break.”

About the idea that the UFC should be stopping people from saying that they don’t want to train with gays, calling people gay for putting their sisters in headlocks, and teaching Japanese people to say “I am a faggot” on video, White had this to say:

“You’re dealing with human beings. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody does things that are wrong sometimes. … We do the best we can do. How do you really think that we could possibly police 375 fighters and try to control everything they say?”

“I do what I can do for these guys. You’re dealing with human beings. I love when you get these organizations that try to … I guess I call it the holier-than-thou approach. Really? So when these guys make mistakes and things happen, bad things happen, you want to point the finger and say the whole organization is bad and these are bad people because these are things they’ve done? F— you. Guess what? Everybody makes mistakes and everybody does things that are wrong sometimes. Everybody. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what you do for a living and what you’ve done. I don’t deal with the holier-than-thou b——-. We do the best we can do.”

This statement was pretty mindblowing, if only for its relative abandonment of his previous “bristly old bear” attitude. In order to soften the blow and avoid making our heads literally explode because of the apparent contradiction with how he normally acts, Dana evidently deputized Anderson Silva to prance around with Justin Bieber to set the stage for this announcement. 100 points to the first fighter who makes Dana reverse his new liberal attitude by dancing around in a speedo to entertain the UFC’s “new target audience”, which rumor has it is even more awash in disposable income than the regular 18-49 breeder demographic.

If Dana White believes that “there’s probably more than one” gay fighter in the UFC already, this begs the question, to whom is he referring? Donald Cerrone and Leonard Garcia have been cohabiting like Ernie and Bert for quite some time, and Cerrone recently made the Achilles-vs.-Hector-like move of challenging the man who defeated his “best friend”. It’s common knowledge at this point that Achilles was gay, and so 2+2 being 4, these two are definitely under investigation. Okay, maybe we just like imagining Cowboy saying “I wish I could quit you!”

Other than that … uuuuuh. Hmmm. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Anderson Silva were caught in a bit of a “compromising position”, on camera no less. And Nick Ring… well, let’s actually not discuss Nick Ring.