When Tito Ortiz came out of retirement to join Bellator, I could just see the two remaining hair follicles popping out of UFC President Dana White’s head from the stress. I have kept my antennae perked in order to proliferate the insane ramblings that were certain to result from the renewal of this feud. After all, not only is Ortiz fighting Quinton “Rampage” Jackson on Bellator’s upcoming pay-per-view card, he also manages Christiane “Cyborg” Justino, whom not even Dana White denies an interest in signing to a UFC contract.

All in all, the cray cray aspects of the White-Ortiz situation were just bursting at the seams waiting to spill out. Well, we can now be glad that Ortiz has moved back up from Jamesonweight to take on his old verbal sparring partner, White, once again. White fired the opening salvo by calling Ortiz a buffoon and saying that he has less intelligence than a monkey at the zoo:

Can you imagine trying to do business with that fucking buffoon? Try to have an educated conversation with him. It’s not possible. You can’t have an intelligent conversation with him. I could go to the fucking zoo, OK? Go over to the fucking monkey cage and have a better interaction, a more intelligent interaction with the monkeys at the zoo than fucking [that] buffoon.

In turn, Ortiz accused White of being a slave owner and a bully who will be struck down by Thor’s Hammer of Karma:

I thought slavery was over a long time ago. It’s just one of those things where you can’t trust a word the man says. And when you can’t do that, how can you work for him? When you work for a person and they’re badmouthing you no matter what, how can you work for them? When you apologize for the things that did happen and he still goes behind your back and says things about you, for no reason at all. Dana’s thing now is bullying and he is one of the biggest bullies in the business. He’s a big bully. One of these days, karma, it always comes back around.

Then, in a moment that made Dick want to say “zing,” Dana called Tito a “slave to stupidity”:

Now I’m a fucking slave master, or whatever Tito called me. That fucking buffoon. How about this fucking moron coming out and saying he was a slave. Do you even know… I shouldn’t even ask that question if he knows what being a slave means, because he’s one of the dumbest motherfuckers you will ever meet. Seriously. He’s a slave to stupidity is what he is.

Slavery? Monkeys at the zoo? This would actually be a provocative topic if it weren’t par for the course for these guys. The only question now is what comes next. Will there be an alliance between Dana White and Jenna Jameson whereby bottles of Advil mysteriously show up in Ortiz’s locker room, leading him to be suspended by the athletic commission? As Tito would say, stay tuned.