UFC fixture Clay Guida has been doing his thang in the lightweight division for six years. He put together a couple of good streaks, and beat some big names, but he has always come just short of reaching the Promised Land. Now resurrected as a featherweight set to begin that new chapter against Hatsu Hioki on January 26th, Clay reflects back on his time at 155, some of the tactical mistakes he has made, and gets a little too hypothetical in assessing his record. Guida spoke to UFC.com:

“Looking at my record in the UFC, 9-7, it just doesn’t sit well, and I demand more out of myself and I know I can do better and always improve. People see my fighting style, and if they’ve seen my fights, that record could be 15-1 just like that. I think there’s only really one fight that I went out there and it wasn’t even a close fight, and that was the Kenny Florian fight (in 2009), which helped change my career in a positive way.”

Um, yeah, I’m gonna have to go ahead and disagree with Clay here. It’s true he had some close fights (Din Thomas Tyson Griffin being the only ones that could have conceivably gone his way), but he has also been gifted some split decisions – against Diego Sanchez in particular, and the split to Gray Maynard should be eternally stricken from the record and not something Clay should ever bring up again…like seriously ever.

Guida was utterly dominated by Ben Henderson, and even though he was beating Roger Huerta until he caught a knee to the beard, and was subsequently choked out, I’m not sure how one misdirects a decisive submission loss to a hypothetical maybe win. However, I’ll give Clay a pass on that one, seeing as how when he beat Rafael dos Anjos by cracking him in the jaw that resulted in breakage and a TKO, dos Anjos made the rather ludicrous statement that had Clay not broken his jaw he would have beat him. Not sure how that works, but okay. So in some cosmological sense, Clay’s ridiculous inference is canceled out by that same infraction being used against him.

It’s a silly game of bending the ‘ifs’ to your advantage. If I was 6-4 and good looking I’d get a lot more trim then my horribly average frame and mediocre looks currently score me. If I had mathematical aptitude I would make more money. If I had a nine inch schwanz none of that would even matter. If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a Merry Christmas. You get the picture.

This being the spirit of giving and all that crap, my most generous bending of Guida’s record would be to give him 11-5, and that is completely ignoring his blanketing performances against Nate Diaz and Anthony Pettis. 15-1 is beyond absurd. It’s comical.

And that isn’t even the scariest thing Guida talked about. The scariest topic was an all-too-familiar melodrama involving Jackson camp teammates who happen to fight in the same division:

“I just know that with the impact that Frankie and I are gonna make, and along with my teammates Cub Swanson and Diego Brandao, we can run the division. I don’t put myself on a pedestal; I just know how competitive we are, and that with the proper training and the proper diet, it won’t be more than a couple fights before the UFC’s gonna want to put a big face in there. So I’m excited about the opportunity that lies ahead of us.”

Oh Jesus! We’ve seen the shit that happens when the Jackson camp “runs the division.”

Anyway, my natural cynicism aside, it’s Clay Guida man, and he’s awesome even when he sucks, so check out the interview. Yeah, it’s about as dull and unbearable as Clay’s last fight, but shit, what else you got to do on Christmas morning?