According to the UFC website, the main event of the company’s 5th foray onto the FX network will feature a heavyweight battle between Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva and Travis Browne. Please allow that information to sink in for a moment before throwing up.

In spite of the declining ratings of the collective FOX events (FOX, FX, and FUEL), the UFC has decided to put forth a main event that, como se dice, sucks wand. It’s an interesting strategy, really. I don’t get it, but then again I don’t make seven figures and have a carafe of fine scotch at the ready in my office. By the way, do people really do that? You only actually see it in movies, some dude pours his business partners a glass of scotch at 10am. Maybe it’s because I have no money, and no one I know has any money, but I’ve never seen anyone do that.

Anyway, let us keep the faith before passing judgment. The event is not until October 5th. There’s still just enough time to secure a proper main event. Surely the smart guys who’ve built the near-defunct UFC into a billion dollar juggernaut know that this main event blows, no?

Let’s sincerely hope they’re not counting on the whole “size” angle to sell this mess. Yes, Browne is 6-7, 250 pounds, and Silva is 6-4, 265 pounds. That’s a lot of big flying around. And it’s not like Travis Browne isn’t a fighter of interest, he is. He’s had four UFC fights and gone 3-0-1 in that time, including a pretty damn spectacular knockout of Stefan Struve. The dude is legit. But there’s no amount of marketing savvy that can sell this garbage as a viable main event on FX. This isn’t even a good main event on the shitty FUEL channel no one gets.

Nope, call me an optimist, but I refuse to believe this fight is the real main event. The boys at UFC headquarters are most certainly working on an appropriate headliner for this card, right? No?