Aleksander Emelianenko is a colourful guy.  It seems like just yesterday he was in a Grecian monastery, baking artisanal bread loaves and carving intricate headboards for Restoration Hardware.  And while a life of seclusion and hard labor may seem like a better option than telling your rock bottom story in an Alcoholics Anonymous group meeting, it’s looking like the sobriety didn’t exactly take.  A month after his last fight, Emelianenko was accused of raping two girls at his apartment.  But no worries, in actuality it was a couple of prostitutes attempting hustle some extra salary, and who hasn’t had that happen after a rowdy birthday?

Things were starting to look up for Emelianenko this summer: he racked up a couple of wins, that old Hep C scandal looked to be finally laid to rest (has Sergei Kharitonov cut off one of his fingers yet?) and he has an upcoming fight against Mirko CroCop next month.  But this week, Aleks is being investigated this week for drunkenly assaulting a 63 year old army veteran:

The man, an army veteran, was celebrating his birthday was some friends. He alleges that Emelianenko took issue with the amount of noise coming from the table and immediately sprang into attack.  Emelianenko, via a spokesperson, denies the accusation and says that it was the man and his sons who started the violence following the initial interaction.

Video of Emelianenko being taken into custody has surfaced and he looks like he’s… alive.  And living in a… cheerful and cozy place:

Today, his lawyer had this to offer:

There was no assault, there was just a conflict that ended in a fight.

That’s the Russianest/lawyeriest quote I think I’ve ever seen.  But there comes a point when crazy drunken stories – like losing your two front teeth fighting a bull on a French gameshow – start going from hilarious legend to sad and worrisome.  Get well, Grim Reaper!   Training camp injuries > criminal assault injuries.