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You can’t win a judge’s decision over staph infection

Man, staph infections are starting to scare the fuck out of me. I had a dream last night that I had staph on my cock, and the staph ate through my nut sack and my testicles fell out like a pair of bloody ben wa balls. Then we were at Ben & Jerry’s and one of the flavors was Josh Barnett’s Praline Wrestling Slam. I was like wow, Josh Barnett is the only MMA guy to have his own flavor of ice cream. But then I figured that guys like Luke Cummo probably made their own ice cream out of semen or something. That would never make it into Ben & Jerry’s though.

So where was I? Oh yeah … staph infections. Nick Diaz has one of those:

Nick Diaz has been hospitalized with a severe staph infection that he contacted a few days prior to his EliteXC fight. He was admitted to the hospital when he arrived in Las Vegas to watch his brother’s fight. He has been on an antibiotic IV since Tuesday and will probably remain so through the weekend.

Personally, I like it more when Dana White talks about staph … he explains staph in easy to understand terms like “the size of a golf ball” and “the size of a coffee cup” to tell us how severe it is. I dunno what anitobiotic IVs are but they sound like robots or some shit. I hope Nick Diaz isn’t being turned into like the robot or something like what happened to that fat chick in Superman 3. That would totally suck.

Shit, I think i got a contact high just from talking about Nick Diaz. He’s one potent motherfucker.

  • Kalak says:

    For reals, does everyone in the US get a staph infection at some point in their life? Or is it just fighters?
    No one ever gets a staph infection here in Greenland..

  • garth says:

    pass the nicky on de left hand side

  • jd says:

    So — Nick was fighting with a staff infection?

    That stuff is contagious. Wouldn’t his opponent be a little pissed off?

  • guy says:

    All that picture tell me is Nick needs a bong hit asap.

    Its a known fact that coming off of weed gives you staff.
    Especially in california…..
    give him the greens stat!

    Anohter thought. Nick lives in California, why doesnt he just get a script for it. Would it still be considered illegal by the commision?

  • Rollo the Cat says:

    I think we are TOO clean in this country and that leaves us vulnerable to infections. We wash away the good bacteria with the bad.

    Best thing is to keep your immune system up. Sleep a lot and eat right.

  • Matt says:

    That’s some serious shit.. MFS and Gracie’s academy need to hire someone strictly to mop the mats once and hour.. I train a couple times a week at a tiny little hole in the wall gym and even those guys have a ‘matmopper’. Nobody there has EVER had it. All and all the shit IS avoidable. No excuses.

  • I’m sure they’ve got mat moppers, but when you’re rolling so much with many other people, you just increase your risk of getting it. Roll with one guy who hasn’t washed his gi in a few days and you’re risking infection. Have that one guy roll in an area that you roll in 20 minutes later, and again … infection.

    Jiu-jitsu is a nasty sweaty sport … and staph is God’s punishment for it’s homosexual undertones

  • Pontus says:

    We dont have alot of staph here in Sweden neither… Maybe the shit cant survive our winters of eternal depression and darkness.

  • Thomas says:

    Conspiracy. I guess you can’t be a true elite fight camp until your best fighters come down with staph.

  • kentyman says:

    Exactly. Just like how you’re not a real slut unless you have anal warts.

  • Rollo ( is right

    Over cleanliness is the way to catch shit like Staph

    I’ve had Staph twice, I caught it once when visiting a gym here in England, got rid of it, then caught it again two weeks later when visiting Xtreme Couture in Vegas.

    At my gym in Manchester, UK we NEVER clean our mats. I mean unless there is blood spillage or something, and then its usually just getting the BJJ class to do lots of shrimps up and down the mat until its gone.

    But like Rollo said, without building up an immunity to existing bacteria you’ll keep catching shit over and over

    Cover any open wounds, shower as soon as you train and you’ll be fine.