One thing he’s said is that it ain’t a TV deal. And it ain’t Mayweather. So what the fuck is it? Dana has said it’s something out of left-field, so I looked to Martial Farts (who does left-field better than anyone) for his possibilities. Here’s a partial list of his thoughts:
- The UFC has acquired the intellectual property rights to the punch, the armbar, bow ties, and wrestling, meaning that anybody found engaging in punching, armbarring, wrestling or wearing bow ties without the prior written consent of Zuffa LLC will be required to cease and desist or face being sued so hard their hair and/or teeth will fall out.
- The grand opening of “UFC Land”, a theme park based on Ultimate Fighting. Located in Zagreb, Croatia (which was demolished specifically for the project). The park will feature rides such as “The Crushinator”, “Sir Punchalot”, “Let’s Get It On-In Space”, “Clay Guida’s Hair Maze”, “Escape from Mount Tito”, “Steroid Scramble” and many more.
- The creation of a women’s division with a twist! Competitors are restricted to men wearing makeup and sports bras stuffed with tissue paper, wearing 28oz gloves.
- In a miracle of modern science, Dana White is pregnant with the Fertittas’ baby. They are very happy with the news and plan on calling him “Marvin P. Ultimator”, with the P apparently standing for Punch. No word yet on how angry the Fertittas will be when the baby is born with a mohawk and a beer belly and Dana grins sheepishly at them while Chuck Liddell bangs on the delivery room window with a tear in his eye yelling “Give me back my baby, give me back my baaaaby”