Jon Koppenhaver, also known to legions of fans around the world as War Machine and occasionally Grenade Face, has put pen to paper (figuratively speaking), and released a book.
Entitled “fiting is totally orsum and civilisation is rubbish!”, it is a non-stop rollercoaster ride, a random collection of badly spelled cuss words and hand-drawn diagrams.
Here is an excerpt from the introduction.
Hello you fucking dorks. If you are reading this book already you have lost in the game of life because only PUSSIES read books. If I was standing next to you write now I would probably elbow you in the back of the head or something, that is unless we were in the STPUDID-ss western world in which case I Would just stare right in your stupid face and THINK About whuipping your ass, because if I did do it I would go to jail. That’s right, jail. Can you believing that shit? Me too. FUCK! I am so pumped just thinking about kicking your ass you stupid faggot. I want to kill something. I have a boner. ARGH shit.
Look just read the fucking book and send me some money already so that I can get to gambling it away in the Philippines, where life is totally fucking sweet. I can smash who I want, where I want, and what I want. At least, I think that’s what happens anyway. I’m just gonna see what it’s like when I get there. Or if that doesn’t work then I might head for Vietnam, where they play russian roulette with a gun and stuff. Fucking sweet.
Anyway, if you want to get started being awesome then shove this book down your pants and eat a hamburger. Then grab the nearest guy in a suit and elbow him in the trachea (that’s the neck, DUMBASS) until blood comes out of his ears. Congratulations, you are on your way to being a WAR MACHINE!!! Shit
Read the rest here MORANS!