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War Machine releases book

Jon Koppenhaver, also known to legions of fans around the world as War Machine and occasionally Grenade Face, has put pen to paper (figuratively speaking), and released a book.

Entitled “fiting is totally orsum and civilisation is rubbish!”, it is a non-stop rollercoaster ride, a random collection of badly spelled cuss words and hand-drawn diagrams.

Here is an excerpt from the introduction.

Hello you fucking dorks. If you are reading this book already you have lost in the game of life because only PUSSIES read books. If I was standing next to you write now I would probably elbow you in the back of the head or something, that is unless we were in the STPUDID-ss western world in which case I Would just stare right in your stupid face and THINK About whuipping your ass, because if I did do it I would go to jail. That’s right, jail. Can you believing that shit? Me too. FUCK! I am so pumped just thinking about kicking your ass you stupid faggot. I want to kill something. I have a boner. ARGH shit.

Look just read the fucking book and send me some money already so that I can get to gambling it away in the Philippines, where life is totally fucking sweet. I can smash who I want, where I want, and what I want. At least, I think that’s what happens anyway. I’m just gonna see what it’s like when I get there. Or if that doesn’t work then I might head for Vietnam, where they play russian roulette with a gun and stuff. Fucking sweet.

Anyway, if you want to get started being awesome then shove this book down your pants and eat a hamburger. Then grab the nearest guy in a suit and elbow him in the trachea (that’s the neck, DUMBASS) until blood comes out of his ears. Congratulations, you are on your way to being a WAR MACHINE!!! Shit

Read the rest here MORANS!


  • Omomatta says:

    Didn’t war machine watch the Fight Quest that was filmed in the Philippines? On youtube there is a behind the scenes video that explains whey both of those guys were rushed into a taxi and driven away by armed guards. During that scen, two gang members behind Jimmy Smith were having a conversation about stabbing him because he looked like he was tough. I’d say if war wants to die before 55 it’s a pretty good idea to move there. Oh yeah……..and he better learn eskrima first. ANARCHY! WOO! dumbfuck.

  • Dick says:

    Brilliant, although I think that “Punching shit is so cool fuck” is an even better title for the book.

  • catch says:

    lol, dick has a point.

  • Preach says:

    You forgot to mention in your review, that the book comes with an additional pop-up book containing one of Jon’s sweaty training gloves, that punches you in the face as soon as you open it, with a voice-chip screaming “WAAAAAAAAAAAARMACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE-UUUHHHH!!!!”…

  • crs says:

    Without a doubt Oprah’s next Book Club pick.

  • Lifer says:

    pretty good. i wish he’d elbow me in MY trachea.

  • MOTUG says:

    lol, thanks for making me remember to never just read the headlines hahaha