Okay boys and girls, here we go! Unfortunately the chat service we normally use is down so we’re fucked in that regard. We’ll make it up to you though by making this the BEST play by play in the history of the universe. For those of you who don’t want to know the results but want to keep up on the Fightlinker / Cage Potato Ipecac bet, here’s the score (which is being updated throughout the night):
CAGE POTATO: 17
So without further ado here we go!
9:51 We’re watching the Yahoo internet stream for this one. Good news is it’s about 20 times better than the old UFC streams. Bad news is we couldn’t find the right cables to feed it into our TV. So we’re watching this on a tiny computer monitor sitting in front of Jake’s 52 inch television. BOO!
9:58 They’re selling the FUCK out of Machida on the pre-fight show. “Assassin”, “Monster”, “Boring”. Oh, that third one was me.
10:00 Zuffa borg cube! Zuffa gladiator! Jake complains but I love it. They give Wanderlei subtitles, which actually just makes his english seem worse than it really is. Mendez looks like a crazy ethnic Joe Lauzon with his huge ears. They show the BJ choking blood out of Joe Stevenson thing … fuck it’s awesome.10:03 The Vegas crowd is as mongo as ever, some insane dude smiles like his face is gonna split open while vibrating like someone using a jackhammer. Silva is described by Rogan as exciting. Jardine … “awkward”. Rogan says “This is Ortiz’s last fight in the UFC”.
Thiago Silva vs. Antonio Mendes
CP Pick: Silva / R2 / KO
FL Pick: Silva / R1 / KO
10:10 Mendes comes in to some wicked 80’s metal stylings. Brazil vs Brazil … both guys are looking ready to kill. David Spade is shown on screen with some tiny booze bottles he stole from his hotel. Bud Light is brought up again for the 30th time thus far. Although we’re drinking Bud right now so I can’t say it doesn’t work.
The two circle around and Mendez throws A killer kick which knocks Silva on his ass. Silva looks fucked up and Mendez is throwing knees in the clinch. Mendes pulls apart and levels another kick at Silva which again knocks him on his ass. After a few seconds in guard they seperate and Silva recomposes himself. He pushes Mendes up against the fence and looks like he’s just taking some time.
Mendes tries to judo throw Silva but slips and ends up on the bottom. Silva is in side control and is now in a scrunched mount up against the cage. Silva is throwing some good hard punches but Mendes is keeping the damage to a minimum. 3 minutes left and Mendez is taking more punches. Mendez rolls over and taps.
RESULT: SILVA / R1 / KO
CP Pick: Silva / R2 / KO (2 points)
FL Pick: Silva / R1 / KO (3 points)
CAGE POTATO: 14
10:20 35% of people think Sherk will win … who the hell are these people? They cut to Urijah Faber, who throws the horns and the fist like he’ll never get to do it again. They show BJ and Sean entering the arena … is it my imagination or did Sean look a little jittery?
10:22 Ya know, for a card that’s been castrated over and over with injuries, the card is still pretty fucking sweet. Props to the UFC.
10:23 Is Goldberg getting paid every time he says that Sean Sherk is ‘angry’?
Tito Ortiz vs. Lyoto Machida
CP Pick: Machida / Dec
FL Pick: Ortiz / Dec
10:24 Wow, they’re showing the Ortiz fight early. Lyoto once again goes “blah blah samurai blah”. The guy acts like his shit don’t stink. Fucking asshole.
10:26 Wow, Ortiz is looking almost tearful coming into the arena. He’s followed by Ricco Rodriguez and some guy with a huge beard. Tanner? Nah, unfortunately not. His music is “Fight the Power”, classic. You can’t go wrong running around with an American flag … the crowd is going bonkers.
10:28 Okay, Machida comes out to techno and warms my heart with his hot beats. I like him a little now (but only a little).
10:31 Doth my ears betray me? Did they just say the fight was sponsored by Xyience? What … the … fuck.
Machida lands a small leg kick. The crowd chants Tito. They contine to stand outside … Machida throws another small kick to the leg, and another. Tito throws one back and misses. Ditto with Machida. A minut is gone and Tito throws a quick shoot but gives up quick. Machida lands a mean inside kick. Ortiz pushes him back with strikes. Tito ties Machida up but Machida spins and throws him off. 3 minutes left and they’re back in the center. Ortiz throws a bunch and steps in and ties up, Machida again shrugs him off. More Tito chants.
Tito jumps in and swings big, misses. Ortiz throws a big kick that misses. Ortiz steps in again with a small punch. Machida throws a good head kick which is blocked. Ortiz ties up Machida and Machida again spins and disengages. Did tito anticipate how good Machida was at not fighting???? 1 minute left. Machida did a kool karate kick. Machida jumps in with 10 seconds left and takes Tito down. Machida lands on top and throws down a bunch of quick punches. And the round ends
Round 1 Winner: Machida because of the finish
Chuck Liddell holds up his Affliction shirt. Hmm.
Tito throws a kick which misses. He fakes a shoot. Machida throws a small inside kick. One minute in and nothing has happened. Tito chases Ortiz for a takedown but Machida escapes and lands a decent punch. 3 minutes left and still very little happening. Machida throws another good head kick which is blocked but was still pretty good. Tito shoots but nothing comes of it. 2 minutes left. The word ‘elusive’ is thrown around again and again by the announcers. I call it ‘boring’. Tito shoots again and actually pulls guard rather than let Machida go. They get back up and Machida throws a parting knee which is blocked. Tito lunges with another missing punch. Machida does a jumping knee that lands. Tito steps back and goes “WTF”, Machida answers with two quick punches. Tito then chases Machida down and throws a big kick. The round ends.
Round 2 Winner: I’d say Tito just because he’s not being a fucking PUSSY
“It’s not running, it’s avoiding” says Rogan. Yves Lavigne falls on his ass and bounces up, the crowd freaks out, it’s the most action in this fight. Tito clinches and lands some great body shots. They break. Ortiz shoots and Machida dodges. Tito kicks and Machida blocks. 3 minutes remain and they tie up, Tito throws a knee and they break. Tito steps in and lands a good hook. He looks in the plum and now throws some good shots to the face. Tito pushes Machida to the fence and is working for a takedown. 2 minutes left.
Tito working some knees in the clinch. Machida is holding the cage. Tito is throwing knees. Lavigne splits the fighters with 1:30 left. Machida lands an awesome knee that lands Ortiz on his back. Machida lands in Tito’s guard and unleashes. Ortiz recovers and now Machida is on top throwing some strikes and elbows. TITO HAS A FUCKING TRIANGLE. FUCK. He loses it. 16 seconds left. Tito goes monkey throwing punches from the bottom and the round ends.
Round 3 Winner: I have no idea. That near KO … that near sub. I dunno what’s worth more. Tito was winning till the near KO. What does this mean???
JUDGES’ DECISION: All 3 give the fight 30-27 to Lyoto Machida
CP Pick: Machida / Dec (3 points)
FL Pick: Ortiz / Dec (0 points)
CAGE POTATO: 17
Wilson Gouveia vs. Goran Reljic
CP Pick: Goueia / R2 / KO
FL Pick: Relijic / R2 / Sub
11:02 Some good smacktalk coming in. Gouveia seems upset that a virgin is talking smack, and Relijic is saying it’s time to shut Gouveia up. We here at Fightlinker HQ are all hoping for a big win … we need 2 points to win and 1 to be capable of tying up the Ipecac challenge.
Gouveia lands a good leg kick, Relijic throws a big head kick that misses. Relijic throws a huge kick that gets blocked … this guy is throwing some hardcore shit. Another big kick that lands. ANOTHER. ANOTHER. Gouveia jumps in with big swinging punches. Relejic is landing better though. They circle with 3 minutes left, both seem tentative now. Another kick by Relejic. Another juge high kick that is blocked. An exchange of punches, both fighters land. Gouveia jumps in for a punch and Relejic lands a body kick while reversing.
1.5 mins left. Relejic with another big kick. ANother big kick. Gouveia is blocking but he’s wincing when it’s blocked. Gouveia jumps in with strikes but no effect. Oh good punch from Gouveia that seems to have stunned Relejic. Relejic jumps up in the air and does a flying guard pull. Very cool. Relejic is very good at tying Gouveia up, nothing is happening right now. Relejic tries for an omoplata then gives up and throws a few elbows as the round ends.
Winner of the 1st round: I dunno, too close to call.
They both bounce around a little, Gouveia throws a lazy punch which misses. Relejic lands an awesome kick to the face which lands. GOuveia takes it and keeps coming. Gouveia jumps in and lands a good strike which stuns Relejic. He pushes the pace until Relejic falls back on the ground. Gouveia comes down and rains punches down. Relejic is defending but this is bad news. Gouveia comes down into half guard and is trying to strike. The pace has slowed, it’s no longer looking like a stoppage is imminent. Relejic pushes Gouveia off and stands again.
Relejic knocks Gouveia on his ass, Gouveia is hurt. Relejic is playing patty cake on Gouveia’s face for like a minute before Herb Dean finally steps in and stops it
RESULT: RELEJIC / R2 / KO
CP Pick: Goueia / R2 / KO (0 points)
FL Pick: Relijic / R2 / Sub (2 points)
CAGE POTATO: 17
Christian Wellisch vs Shane Carwin
CP Pick: Carwin / R1 / KO
FL Pick: Carwin / R1 / KO
Here comes the heavyweights. Carvin doesn’t look as huge as he did in the pictures. These guys are jumping around throwing big punches. Carwin lands a few good ones. Wellish returns the favor. And shit, Carwin lands a BRUTAL punch straight to the button that has Wellish on his ass with his mouthguard going into orbit
RESULT: CARWIN / R1 / KO
CP Pick: Carwin / R1 / KO (3 points – already counted)
FL Pick: Carwin / R1 / KO (3 points – already counted)
11:26 Awww, it’s Mandy Moore and her hot friend. And look, her not hot friend. Here we go, they’re setting up Silva vs Jardine. If we call this fight perfectly, then Fightlinker wins.
Wanderlei Silva vs. Keith Jardine
CP Pick: Jardine / Dec
FL Pick: Silva / R2 / KO
11:29 Jardine comes out wearing a pretty cool “Mean 1” shirt. As cool as Techno Viking? Not really. Ooooh, digeridoos and bagpipes. What an international walk in. Jardine is screaming and grunting to try and pump himself up. And here comes Wand…
11:32 Sandstorm? SANDSTORM!
Goddamn is Wand an ugly son of a bitch. Here we go. Jardine is smiling big and Wand gives his standard uber-intense shit. Wand is jumping up and down in anticipation and we roll out. Jardine steps in and take a brutal punch to the face. He goes down and Wanderlei rains down blows until the ref stops it.
RESULT: SILVA / R1 / KO
CP Pick: Jardine / Dec (0 points)
FL Pick: Silva / R2 / KO (2 points)
CAGE POTATO: 17
Rousimar Palhares vs Ivan Salaverry
CP Pick: Palhares / Dec
FL Pick: Palhares / Dec
Palhares pulls Salaverry to the ground and gets in side control. Ooooh slick mount. Salavery tries to throw Palhares off but fails, then rolls onto his back. Palhares gets the locks in and Salaverry rolls so Palhares is on the bottom but still on Salaverry’s back. Salaverry is defending and holding Palhares glove. Palhares gets his hands free and works the choke, Salaverry tries to lunge out but Palhares gets an arm and locks it up. He wins by armbar
RESULT: PALHARES / R1 / SUB
CP Pick: Palhares / Dec (1 point, already added)
FL Pick: Palhares / Dec (1 point, already added)
11:57 : Sherk comes out to the Jaws theme. Which is cool. Then switches over to lame ass emo metal. And Sherk comes in wearing earphones. I never got that … it’s not like those things are loud enough to drown out the other music playing. Sherk comes in and you can hear boos.
12:02 : BJ Penn comes into some male Enya shit.
B.J. Penn vs. Sean Sherk
CP Pick: Penn / R3 / Sub
FL Pick: Penn / R3 / Sub
Sherk is stretching during the announcements. Guess he expects shit to get bent out of shape. I’d agree with that thought. He’s getting some boos as Buffer announces him. Penn slaps himself as he’s announced, and his game face is on. Jason Statham says “BJ Penn”. Then again, he agreed to do Dungeon Seige, so what does he know?
No touch of gloves. SHerk shoots in and grabs a leg. BJ bats him off and uses his striking to bounce Sherk back. Sherk and Penn are standing and throwing. The crowd chants “BJ BJ BJ BJ”. Sherk is looking good, he has a nice quick hook, wonder how powerful that shit is. SHerk whacks BJ in the face with that sweet hook. Penn picks away at Sherk.
The two tie up and land some punches. THey seperate and paw at eachother. Sherk continues to look dangerous with his quick hook. But BJ staggers Shek with a jab. They tie up and BJ lands a knee before pushing Sherk off. 2 minutes left. Sherk is bellding under the right eye but holding his own. They continue to trade, and BJ lands two sweet jabs that rock Sherk, but Sherk with his titanium head keeps coming forward and throwing his own strikes. But now BJ is landing more than Sherk and they look more effective.
Rogan says Sherk is probably taking it easy, waiting till later rounds before trying to take Penn down. Not too bad of an idea. Round ends
Winner: Sherk because of harder more accurate strikes
They continue to trade, with Sherk adding a leg kick in that’s doing well. Penn lands a few good strikes on the inside but takes another kick and limps a bit. Penn steps in and ties Sherk up but Sherk wins that exchange with boxing inside the clinch. Not much going on other than the same … more punching, BJ landing harder but Sherk getting his own in from time to time. BJ is stepping in with jabs and whacking Sherk over and over. Sherk throws a good one that staggers Penn slightly, although probably more of a stumble than any damage.
1.5 mins left. We’re watching a boxing match here.
More punches landed by BJ. Sherk’s face is starting to be all busted up, bleeding all over. BJ fakes the punch and then lands a killer leg kick. BJ goes for the clinch and then Sherk takes BJ’s leg. BJ escapes and they exchange some more and the round ends.
ROUND 2 Winner: Penn via more accurate strikes.
Goldberg asks if this is the round Sherk starts wrestling. I’d say “Hopefully, since standing isn’t working”. The crowd is chanting something but I don’t know what. The two are doing more of the same, swinging and striking, some hitting some missing but none changing the tide in this battle. BJ shoots in and lands a nice hook upon seperation. Sherk moves forward swinging but keeps eating jabs. 2 minutes left. BJ keeps landing punches. “This isn’t working well for Sherk” says Rogan.
Sherk isn’t throwing his right hand, Jake was saying this then Goldberg parroted him. Goldberg thinks the shit is broken. Oh shit, BJ lands a brutal one which has BJ back and he bounces off the cage right into a knee. BJ throws a bunch of punches and the horn sounds for the end of the round.
After Sherk doesn’t stand up, BJ moves off and says “it’s over”. After about 15 seconds Yamasaki agrees and the fight is over.
RESULT: BJ / R3 / KO
CP Pick: Penn / R3 / Sub (2 points)
FL Pick: Penn / R3 / Sub (2 points)
CAGE POTATO: 19
And that’s it folks!