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UFC proudly announces “We crushed Ken Shamrock!”

Years and years ago, Ken Shamrock decided he was going to try and sue Zuffa for not giving him the final fight on his old UFC contract. He must not have realized that going up against the Zuffa legal machine is akin to fighting in a heavyweight tournament against Fedor, Shane Carwin, and Junior Dos Santos. You’re just not going to win. Here’s the press release on where Zuffa lawyers high five eachother for absolutely raping Ken:

Las Vegas, NV (USA) – Zuffa, LLC, doing business as the Ultimate Fighting Championship® (“UFC®”), was awarded a legal victory today against former champion, Ken Shamrock. Shamrock, who claimed Zuffa had violated certain contractual provisions of his final fight agreement, was demanding several hundreds of thousands of dollars in compensation he claimed was due and owing from the UFC. Following a trial before the Honorable Susan H. Johnson, the Court entered a sixteen page written decision concluding that Ken Shamrock was to “take nothing by way of its Complaint filed April 15, 2008, and judgment is rendered in favor of Zuffa, LLC dba the Ultimate Fighting Championship.” Specifically, Judge Johnson ruled that Zuffa (1) did not breach the contract; (2) that the contract should be interpreted in manner advocated by Zuffa; and (3) that, in any event, Shamrock and his attorney/agent Rod Donohoo waived any purported breach by Zuffa.

And here’s the UFC’s blood sucking lawyers licking their lips in anticipation of the kill:

“Zuffa has issued a clear directive that we are to pursue every legal remedy to ensure that the UFC’s contracts are scrupulously honored and defended. The resulting judgment in this case is just one more example of the UFC’s resolve to vigorously vindicate its contractual rights in the courts.”

When asked if further proceedings would be likely in this case, Messrs. Campbell and Williams remarked in the affirmative:

“The UFC has a clear and unambiguous attorney fee clause in all of its contracts with fighters to the effect, that in the event a fighter loses any contractual challenge in court, that fighter will be responsible for paying our fees. Accordingly, we will be filing a motion to seek recovery of all of our expenses and fees which were occasioned by this lawsuit.”

So there’s a few messages in this press release: number 1, fuck with us and you’re gonna get destroyed in court. Number 2, our contracts are iron clad and we’ll go after you for any breach. And number 3, if you do involve the legal system, be prepared to pay for the army of lawyers the UFC uses to crush you. That last part is pretty messed up. The last time I heard about a contract so bastardly, it involved Halliburton trying to force rape victims through ‘corporate arbitration’.