Stuck without tonight’s UFC pay per view? Still want to experience the magic of Brock Lesnar’s cock chestnar, or Roger Huerta getting sliced up by Kenny Florian? Then you’re in the right place! We’ll be providing blow by blow coverage of the fights and everything else happening on the pay per view!
So you ready for this shit? Then let’s get it on!
9:50 Leading up to the show. I’ve got my snacks all lined up and we’re ready to go!
10:00 The gladiator once again. He is a rock in these uncertain times. I was kinda hoping that there’d be an update on par with what they did with UFC Fight Night but so far, same old.
10:05 They somehow manage to string together enough ‘highlights’ out of Lesnar/Mir for Lesnar’s segment of the “Bring the Pain” montage. Impressive. Goddamn, the Target Center looks full to the tits. Joe Rogan’s stubble etc is looking less ‘carefully manufactured’ and more ‘three day bender’. I guess that’s what happens when you have a new kid.
JASON MACDONALD vs DEMIAN MAIA
As Jason MacDonald gets cockier, his head seems to be looking more and more like a bright red cock. Appropriate. Maia is looking ready to take Miguel Torres on in an Eddie Guerrero lookalike contest.
Jason MacDonald seems to think he’s the underdog somehow in this fight. Does he know how to read odds?
Maia comes in with Wanderlei Silva in his corner. My hopes of him being able to throw a non-embarassing punch increases.
Maia lands a good leg kick and follows upwith a high kick. MacDonald steps in and clinches, Maia jumps into guard and pulls MacDonald down. Oh shit, MacDonald is about an inch away from getting subbed out with a triangle. And Now Maia locks the triangle up and is applying pressure … somehow MacDonald isn’t tapping, so Maia starts unloading with elbows to the head.
What the fuck is this! MacDonald turns around and pops out of the triangle and immediately takes Maia’s back, grabbing a choke. It’s looking pretty damn good for about 30 seconds until Maia escapes and they’re back with Maia on bottom in guard. 2 minutes left.
MacDonald is trying to pass but ain’t getting anywhere. So he then stands up and starts throwing punches down. After a few punches he follows his punch in and goes for a guillotine choke. He gives up position to work the choke and Maia’s on top now, and escapes the choke. He twists onto MacDonald’s back and tries to work a choke for the final 30 seconds, nearly getting it but the horn sounds and MacDonald is okay.
My Scorecard: 10-9 Maia
MacDonald is complaining that Maia stuck his finger in his eye. No replay on that though.
The two walk right out to eachother and exchange, with Maia landing a nice hit and MacDonald pushing forward into the clinch. After rolling along the cage, Maia starts working some muay thai knees before they kinda stagger and fall to the ground, with Maia on top. Oh boy, Maia is in full mount.
MacDonald is bucking and half-rolling trying to get something going. Maia is starting to throw some solid elbows down. MacDonald survives and is looking fine. 2:30 left.
Maia tries for an arm triangle but nothing is there so he returns to throwing down elbows. They’re looking okay but he’s not gonna finish a fight with them. Win the round? Oh yeah. Stop the fight? Nah. Maia throwing throwing throwing. No real brutal damage being done.
MacDonald is scooting around on the underneath while trying to buck off Maia. He’s doing a decent job of avoiding blows and tying Maia up. He now manages to bump Maia up high and slip out between his legs. He leaves an arm behind but pulls it out seconds later, finishing the round on top of Maia.
My Scorecard: 10-9 Maia
MacDonald’s corner is telling him to knock Maia out. They know they’re down on the scorecard.
Maia immediately shoots and takes MacDonald down. MacDonald had a guillotine but it’s gone before it starts. He reverses Maia and is now on top. MacDonald maneuvers around working on passing. He’s better do something, he’s pissing this round away.
Oh, Maia gives up his back. MacDonald goes for a choke but Maia somehow manages to reverse and get into mount again. He’s throwing down strikes and MacDonald gives up his back. Maia’s got one arm under MacDonald’s neck and is just hammering Jason’s face with punches. With 2 minutes left he sinks in the RNC and gets MacDonald to tap.
WINNER: DEMIAN MAIA (R3 SUBMISSION)
ROGER HUERTA VS KENNY FLORIAN
Wow, they’re showing this fight early. I was expecting this to be co-main event. Guess they’re giving that shit to Lesnar / Herring.
Huerta comes out to a rousing samba tune. I feel like I’m at a mexican restaurant. Where’s the tortilla chips? Kenny Florian comes out wearing the most horrific yellow tracksuit, a la Kill Bill. I hope he’s getting paid well for that shit, because it’s embarassing. One More Round outdoes itself.
Bruce Buffer is gonna suffer some whiplash with his crazy ‘Buffer turn’. People are going bonkers for Huerta. They gotta stop showing hairy linebackers chewing cud.
Florian opens up with a leg kick. Huerta responds. This is a kicking battle thus far with each guy taking their turn. Kenny’s staying out the outside and moing backwards. Now Huerta goes for a kick and Florian suprises him with a hoot and takes him down. One hip movement later and Huerta is mounted with 3:20 left.
Huerta rolls over after one good strike. Klorian flattens him out and is now throwing decent strikes. Roger rolsl back over and forces himslf to his feet! Impressive. They seperate.
Again, Kenny staying on the outside and moving backwards whenever Huerta advances. Florian does a retarded hop into range thing and gets pummeled for it, Huerta knees an punches Kenny an rags him to the cage, peppering Florian with strikes. They seperate with a minute left.
Kenny clinches up again an they exchange knees before splitting, neither worse for wear. Kenny works on punches while Huerta works the legs with kicks. The horn sounds, round 1 is ovah
My scorecard: 10-9 Florian
UFC is doing a much better job than usual of getting what the corners are saying.
Huerta chases Florian with kicks and finally ties up, trying to bring Florian down. Florian leans against the cage and kills Huerta’s attempts to drag him down. They seperate. Florian again does his little retard jump tackle and eats a punch doing it. Now he’s trying to take Huerta down but Huerta grabs an arm working on a kimura.
That doesn’t work out for him and faster than you can say “Oh noes my jits!” Florian has Huerta’s back. But after 30 seconds Huerta slips out the backdoor and they’re up and standing again. Impressive. This isn’t a barn burner but it’s a very decent technical match.
Florian sweeps Huerta and Huerta lands on his ass. He manages to get back up before Kenny can capitalize. Huerta shoots in and eats a knee. He then fakes a superman punch and now ties them up. Florian locks up a good muay thai grip on Huerta’s head but doesn’t manage to do more than a few strikes before Huerta pulls out. With seconds running down they’re starting to let their hands go. The round ends with no one the worse for wear from the final exchanges
My Scorecard: 10-9 Florian
Florian hits a nice front kick that lands on Huerta’s chin. They scrample and now Florian lands a big knee. and Another! Huerta steps back and does a little “What, was that supposed to hurt?” look before Florian bowls him over and goes for a standing kneebar. Huerta escapes and now Florian is throwing punches from above until Huerta stands back up with 3:30 left.
Huerta superman punches in and throws a good series of punches which Florian eats. They’re now starting to let go with their hands again. Fuck, Florian lands that front kick again, right into the jaw of Huerta. Huerta is now stalking Florian, but Florian is keeping his distance. Florian steps in and knees Huerta in the ribs. Huerta responds by chasing Florian and swinging for the fences.
Huerta slips off a kick and Florian catches him with a nice body blow. Now Florian attacks, landing some nice hard punches. He pushes Huerta to the cage and takes him down and then lands a brutal punch to Huerta’s face. He’s really trying to make sure there’s no question who won the round. They’re back on their feet and the horn sounds.
My scorecard: 10-9 Florian
Here’s the scores: All 3 score it 30-27 for Kenny Florian
WINNER: KENNY FLORIAN (DECISION)
They cut to a very fat looking BJ Penn, who does not look impressed.
MANNY GAMBURYAN VS ROB EMERSON
Rob Emerson comes out to MIA’s Paper Planes. He’s pumped, high fiving people who don’t even want to be high fived. One guy flinches back when Emerson comes for him.
Manny taps gloves, no sucker punch this time. Wow, Emerson lands a KO punch that puts Manny on his back. Manny looks up just in time to eat another strike which KO’s him completely.
WINNER: ROB EMERSON (ROUND 1 TKO)
CHEICK KONGO VS DAN EVENSEN
Evensen looks like he’s ready to headbutt the guy doing the greasing.
Evensen walks into Kongo’s arms and gets pushed up against the cage. Kongo with the takedown, Evenson goes from side to full guard in 5 seconds. Now Kongo is dragging Evensen away from the cage by the heel. Kongo unleashes some serious leg kicks tothe downed Evensen. The ref steps in and stands them up.
Kongo ties Evensen up and puts him against the cage again. He snakes a hand down between Evensen’s legs, either for romance or takedown. Evensen gets a choke momentarily but lets it go. Now he goes for it again and really puts the mustard behind it. But Kongo pops out with 1:30 left.
Kongo continues to try and push Evensen against the cage like he’s trying to force him right through. He takes Evensen down but can’t do anything. He steps back and lets a few leg kicks go before the ref stands Evensen up.
Evensen goes for a a high kick and misses. Kongo steps in with a nice punch that just lands flush on Evensen’s jaw. Evensen goes down and Kongo unleashes a flurry on the ground. The ref really should have stopped this but it goes on about 10 strikes too long.
WINNER: CHEICK KONGO (R1 KO)
Kongo shows why the French are known for their politeness by wandering off halfway through Rogan’s interview.
BROCK LESNAR VS HEATH HERRING
Lensar charges out with a flying knee Now he steps in with a huge punch that knocks Herring on his back. Herring rolls backwards onto his feet in time to be tackled by Lesnar. They bounce off the cage and Lensar is working a choke. I don’t think that choke is gonne work, and Lesnar might be blowing his arm out holding it. Lesnar lets go and they split up.
Lesnar shoots and takes Herring down. Herring is working hard at holding Brock close but Brock breaks free, steps back and then gets back in on top of Herring, who turtles up. Lesnar is controlling Herring on top but he’s not taking his back – a very wrestler way of doing things.
Lesnar moving very slow, doing not much for a good minute. Now he’s letting knees go to Herring’s body. Herring responds with a backward elbow which whacks Brock in the face. Brock is just controlling Herring with good wrestling fundamentals.
Herring is still turtled, Lesnar still controlling. Not a lot of damage being done by the punches of Lesnar. The crowd is chanting Brock’s name and Brock is bobbing his head with them. The horn sounds and Brock shoves Herring.
My scorecard: 10-9 Lesnar
They cut to Jesse “MMA is fake” Ventura. Lensar shoots but Herring manages to evade. They tie up and Lesnar pushes Herring over. Herring is turtled again with Lesnar controlling on top. Lesnar has side control now. After a bit of rolling and scrambling, Lesnar is in mount but Herring escapes by rolling to his back and Lesnar hopped off. Wrestling style. Eh. 2:30 left.
Herring is in half guard holding on for dear life. Lesnar is hitting Herring with good knees to the back. Now he’s in side control again. Herring rolls over onto all fours and stands back up. Lesnar lets some good knees go that look like they really took the pep out of Herring. Now Herring is throwing some knees with 10 seconds left. Herring swings for the fences and Brock ducks under and takes Herring down. The horn sounds
My scorecard: 10-9 Lesnar
Lensar smiles. Herring looks like poo. Lesnar comes out and lands a good body kick. Herring shoots in and presses Lesnar against the cage. Lesnar fires back by rolling Herring against the cage and letting go with knees. Now he spins Herring and takes him down. Looks like he’s happy keeping Herring in turtle position and whacking on him. Lesnar is throwing nasty knees to the body again.
Herring grabs an arm and goes for a kimura but Lesnar mounts him in retaliation. Herring rolls over and again Lesnar hops off into side control again. More knees from Lesnar. Herring sits up and Lesnar goes for a choke. Herring shrugs it off and stands up and starts swinging. Lesnar just takes Herring right back down for more of the same with 1 minute left.
Herring rolls but Lesnar keeps decent position. Now it seems like Lesnar might be riding things out. Herring is flat belly down on the mat. Now Lesnar has mount again. With 3 seconds left, Lesnar gets off Herring and starts celebrating. How classy
My scorecard: 10-9 Lesnar (possibly even 10-8)
Judge’s scorecard: 30-26 Lesnar
WINNER: BROCK LESNAR (DECISION)
GEORGES ST PIERRE VS JON FITCH
St Pierre shoots and takes Fitch down. Fitch closes guard but is throwing his legs around and keeping his legs high. GSP is working on strikes but Fitch is doing a good job of tying him up. Fitch is throwing his legs high and is now keeping butterfly guard. GSP passes to half guard but fitch returns to Butterfly. They scramble and they go back down with GSP on top.
They seperate and now GSP lands a nice punch that flattens Fitch. Fitch is hurt and GSP is on him like fat on cake and is trying to finish the fight with strikes. Fitch survives and gets back to guard somehow. GSP is working on passing and is in half guard and is throwing strikes to Fitches’ face. They scramble and GSP steps back, unloading with strikes. Fitch gets up with 1 minute.
GSP hits fitch again and Fitch is staggered. Again, another strike and Fitch’s knees buckle. GSP hops on top and Fitch rolls into Guard. GSP throws elbows and cuts the shit out of Fitch. GSP passes into side control and now gets mount. Fitch escapes quickly into half guard as the round ends
My scorecard: 10-9 GSP
Fitch is looking game coming back out. Impressive. They’re standing and trading, with Fitch movings around and throwing hard while Georges sticks to counter jabs. Now GSP is stepping in with crosses and jabs. Fitch was doing well at first but now GSP is starting to rack up a nice point lead. 2:30 left.
GSP continues to win on the feet. Fitch is swinging a bit wild while GSP is just landing everything he throws. Futcg steps in a whacks GSP with a good one. St Pierre shoots, and Fitch stuffs it. Now Fitch gets a good combo in. The round ends with GSP throwing a spinning back kick that misses.
My scorecard: 10-9 GSP
MOre striking and GSP wastes Fitch with a hard right that has Fitch on his ass again. He hops on Fitch’s back and locks his hooks in. Now GSP is angling for the choke but Fitch breaks free and now on top in Georges’ guard.
Fitch isn’t doing much on top, GSP not doing much on the bottom. 3 minutes left. St Pierre sneaks out the back door and puts Fitch on the bottom. Now GSP is letting go with some good punches that has Fitch rolling over. They stand up and GSP goes after Fitch with strikes.
Fitch is looking surprisingly ‘with it’ considering how many times he’s been tagged up. GSP shoots in and presses Fitch against thecage. They swing and Georges lands another good punch. And another. Now a head kick and a knee while fitch goes down.
GSP smells blood but Fitch ties him up along the cage. GSP pushes him off and is throwing more strikes and then follows up with a takedown. They end the round that way.
Something went out of Fitch’s mouth. We have no idea what.
Fitch comes out agressive but a bit tired. It’s another striking match, slow and methodical. GSP working the jab and switching stances, Fitch letting go with big combos. GSP is landing more. Fitch shoots in and gets stuffed. They go back to striking. GSP accidentally catches Fitch with a kick to the crotch. They touch gloves and keep fighting with 3 mins left.
FItch shoots and works a takedown like his life depends on it, but GSP is defending. They’re against the cage and Fitch is still trying. GSP has basically stuffed this takedown but Fitch is holding on for dear life. FInally he gives it up and GSP pushes him over into guard. GSP not doing too much until a few seconds left in the round where he goes for a leg lock, but he loses it before it even begins. The round ends
My scorecard: GSP 10-9
GSP starts off by tagging Fitch. Fitch is throwing big, he knows he needs to finish this fight. GSP seems happy to counter with jabs. Now he uses the spinning backfist and follows up with strikes off the cage and a takedown. Now GSP passes to half guard but then loses it. 3 mins left, not much action on the ground.
GSP stacks Fitch and throws some hard ass punches down. Fitch pushes himself off the cage and tries to contain GSP. They scramble and they’re back on their feet. GSP throws a few jabs and then takes Fitch down like it ain’t no big thang. Fitch has his legs up high, trying to find something but not really getting anything. GSP throws some weak knees into Fitch’s side. 10 seconds left. GSP goes for another leg lock but doesn’t get it as the fight ends.
My scorecard: GSP 10-9
WINNER: GEORGES ST PIERRE (UNANIMOUS DECISION)
And that’s it boys and girls. Hope you enjoyed the show and we’ll catch you on the flipside.