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UFC 117 Staff Picks

‘d like to see Chael walk the streets of Oakland while mouthing off

Ok, since I got so much hate mail from people, who I’m still surprised can read, I will try to make my predictions more reader friendly. I’m keeping the “aids baby” jokes though.

Roy Nelson vs Junior dos Santos

Reverend- This one is going to have to go to my long lost big boned brother Roy. Not that Junior isn’t the shit but Roy is under rated and I think has a better track record on the ground. Sure Junior has may be beaten “better” fighters like Mirko Cro Cop and Geronimo dos Santos …er Fabricio Werdum and Gabriel Gonzaga. Roy is a more rounded fighter and Roy was/is Champ!

Roy Nelson via TKO/KO rd 2

Subo– See, this is what sucks about really well matched, competitive cards – it’s hard to bet the damn things.  Yes, Cigano is being hailed as the Jon Jones (the love child of Allah and Jesus and forged by Thor’s hammer, if you haven’t heard) of the heavyweight division.  Yes, he’s undefeated in the Octagon, finished Cro Cop, KO’ed The Man That Slayed The Last Emperor and made Gonzaga look silly.  But Roy Nelson might be the best top control guy in the division.  I ask you, how you gonna get the MOON offa you?  My previous fat self will not allow me to pick the chiseled guy in this fight.  Upset of the night.  Nelson via Steakhouse XT.
Matt Hughes vs Ricardo Almeida

Reverend- You would think Matt would be one of my favorite fighter for the sheer fact that he has a .50 Cal rifle but alas I actually hate the guy. He is a has-been from an era when wrestlers would lay on strikers or dry hump BJJ fighter, oh wait the current Welterweight Champ still does that. Sure he was impressive back in the early to mid 2000’s but damn it it’s 2010 and this farmer needs to go and tend his crops! Ah Fuck, he’s fighting a grappler who hasn’t beaten anybody of merit… ever! But I’m gonna have to give this one to Ricardo simply because I still don’t think Matt likes to be on his back, it’s not the wresting background but the fact that he prefers the classic Christian position of missionary. Ricardo has all the tools to get it to the ground, if Matt hasn’t already taken it there, and get a hold of an arm or leg… or neck. Just ask BJ Penn about Matt’s neck.

Ricardo Almeida via Submission rd. 3

Subo- Another fight that I’m tempted to go the other way on but can’t bring myself to do.  Matt Serra, despite all the hate, is a legitimate 170 contender, and Hughes did finish (albeit belatedly, nature had already done the job) Renzo Gracie in Abu Dhabi.  It’s just that Almeida is so damn good off of his back and has a size that Matt could have trouble with.  Picking against Almeida here would probably be like betting against one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fighting a guy that beat Splinter.  Na ganna dah it.  Almeida by sub (armbar), round two.

Clay Guida vs Rafael dos Anjos

Reverend- Hey Subo, whats the line on this fight going to decision? Clay has been involved in 11 decisions and dos Anjos has 9, 3 of those coming in his last 4 fights. Both guys are entertaining considering they have a combined 6 “of the Night” awards. Clay is like a troll doll turned wined up cave man and dos Anjos know some jits. Tough one to call since Clay hasn’t been that successful as of late. But the Meth Caveman still can pull out the win against guys with crap cardio or no striking.

Clay Guida via Unanimous Decision

Subo- Love Clay Guida.  Love, love, love him.  Still think he won the Sanchez fight.  This is just a terrible match up for him, unless of course he uses his wrestling in reverse (he won’t) and keep it standing (he won’t).  Spending 15 minutes in Rafael’s wheel house is bad for your healh.  Dos Anjos by something pretty.

Jon Fitch vs Thiago Alves

Reverend- Oh Jesus another fight that might end up going all the way. Jon “I can’t finish” Fitch and Thiago “Pit Bull” Alves both have more than a few decisions on their record, Fitch though has damn too many. Alves hasn’t fought for more than a year and his fight before that long lay over was against another wrestler. Fitch is the master of prolonging a fight until the crowd wants to go all Watts on the place. Alves has a punchers chance and the weight/roid advantage but as long as it’s on the ground he is out of his element.

Jon Fitch via long hump Decision

Subo- First, go find the deodorant code that gives you access to the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad UFC Vault for a couple of months.  Then, go through the arduous process (I believe there are three riddles) of finding the first Fitch/Alves fight.  Watch it.  You’ve just traveled into the future!  I see absolutely no reason that Fitch doesn’t Fitch his way to another Fitchcision (although I’d be more than happy to watch GSP/Fitch II, and if Kos wins, well won’t THAT be a fun shitstorm).  Fitch via you already know.

Anderson Silva vs (Mi)Chael Sonnen

Reverend- I know I’ve been promoting Chaels mouth for a while now but really I still see Anderson winning. Chael has the ground that Silva seems to lack but his striking isn’t even close to Anderson. But if Andy comes in this fight acting like a mongoloid or an “aids baby” Sonnen will take this ass clown down. Chael hasn’t lost to a striker in a long ass time, since Forrest Griffin back in 2003, but we all know Anderson is no Forrest. I’m hoping Chael wins just to see the look on Anderson’s face but I see Chael getting messed up in the 3rd.

Anderson Silva via TKO/KO rd 3

Subo -Sonnen’s trash talk has me smelling upset, but the woman I went to Blackhawk with to play poker on Wednesday had me smelling pussy, and that didn’t happen, either.  Is it possible?  Sure.  Sonnen’s wrestling looks all the more dominant after the performance Okami put on against Munoz – Okami is probably the second best wrestler in that division, and Chael took him to school.  I’m simply not going to pick against a guy that’s 11-0 in the UFC until he loses one.  Anderson Silva by 46-45 decision (loses a point every round 2-5 due to inactivity and wins anyway).

Ben Saunders vs Dennis Hallman

Reverend- Who is Dennis Hallman and why is he still fighting? The fucking guy can only beat shitty regional fighters and any time he comes across anyone with a name, besides Matt Hughes, he loses. Ben Saunders is like the less brown but actually funny Anderson Silva of the Welterweight Division. Hallman is going to eat knees. Ben Saunders via TKO rd 1

Subo – Forget the Fitch fight and the Swick aberration – Saunders is legit. Dennis “I’ve Never Beaten Anyone Of Note Other Than Matt Hughes Twice” Hallman does not have the guard game to contain the gigantic Killa Bee, and I still have nightmares about what his knees did to Brandon Wolff. Superman’s getting his cape pissed on (or however that saying goes). Saunders via KO, round 1

Stefan Struve vs Christian Morecraft

Reverend-Looks like Morecraft is gonna be the fat comeback fall guy for Struve. I’m gonna look for Struve to avenge his loss to Roy by way of long ass arms and some kinda sweet sub.  Stefan Struve via Submission rd 2

Subo – This fight better make the PPV. It’s like one of those goofy NBA fights between skinny power forwards, only these guys are real fighters. I love Struve, but I’ll be intrigued by whomever wins (while simultaneously hoping the loser isn’t cut – Morecraft at 6’8 is not a fatty like Tim Sylvia at 6’8). Struve via Struveangle

Johny Hendricks vs Charlie Brenneman

Reverend- Another fucking wrestler. Johny is gonna dry hump the shit out of this guy. Take him down and dry hump him… with maybe some nice punches. then repeat a few more times.  Johny Hendricks via TKO rd 3

Subo – I’m going with the notion that Hendricks absorbed some of Amir Sadollah’s UFC love when he pasted him, and Silva isn’t matching him up against a potential world-beater here. Hendricks via TKO

Tim Boetsch vs Todd Brown

Reverend- Tim is a fucking beast, yeah he has lost a few times but against pretty good opponents and at freakish altitudes. His win against David Heath goes down as one of the sickest KO’s of all time. I had to google Todd brown and thought maybe he was a shooting victim until I read that he is 15-1 and on a 7 fight win streak. his only loss is to a guy who was beat by Gonzaga. Tim is gonna add another loss to his record. Look for him to go all Barbarian on his ass.  Tim Boetsch via TKO/KO rd 1

Subo – I’m sad that Thiago Silva’s back is so fucked up. The silver lining? The Barbarian isn’t going to get fucking destroyed in his comeback fight. I love Boetsch and will never forgive Jason Brilz for decisioning him out of the UFC and fucking up my parlay that night (the Nog fight helped, though). Tim by hip toss into the cage
Phil Davis vs Rodney Wallace

Reverend-Time for some Black on Black violence as Rampage would say. Both guys are wrestlers so look for striking to occur… and lots of it. Sloppy striking that is. Wallace needs a win and will probably be pretty desperate. If Davis can hold him off long enough he should be able to get him one way or another.  Phil Davis rd 2 something or other

Subo – MMA math time: Sho Nuff (Wallace) lost to Brian Stann at 205. Mr Wonderful (Davis) dominated Stann so thoroughly that he left the division. Davis is going to fuck Wallace’s world. Davis by full penetration

Dustin Hazelett vs Rick Story

Reverend- Dustin is a slick as bird shit BJJ guy and Story is a wrestler… Hazelett is gonna be on his back. But that’s right where he wants to be so he can tangle this guy up. Hazelett is prone to getting lit up by punches but I see this wrestler going nighty night.  Dustin Hazelett vis Submission rd 1

Subo – Rick “The Neverending” Story might be the most hyped fighter I’ve ever encountered on these here Interwebs without actually seeing him fight. McLovin’ is my guy, so here’s hoping for a quick fancy sub. Hazelett by Dustinplata