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UFC 104 prelim play by play

Spike is once again showing prelims to hype up the pay per view, so we’ll be here to cover it.

Tick tock tick tock….hurry up, Spike!

Joe and Goldberg look like they’re dressed for a funeral.

Sounds like they’ve dropped the “Ravishing” from Eric Schafer’s nickname. Maybe Rick Rude was upset.

Antoni Hardonk vs. Pat Barry
Round 1: This UFC broadcast is brought to you in Pat Barry’s nickname.

Hardonk didn’t touch gloves. JERK! Any regular kick by Hardonk is a head kick against Barry. The guys are playing Roschameau with leg kicks. Uh oh, eye poke. That’s nasty. Looks like it’s still bothering him. Hardonk is just kickig like crazy and landing bad dirry boxing. Barry hits leg kicks and just circles. Hardonk went for a takedown? Jesus Christ. What the heck happened? Barry in crucifix. Looks like a big brother on a little brother. Back up and Barry is landing sick punches. Hardonk looks scared but going for leg kicks. Round over.

Round 2: Barry can swing like crazy because of his height. Hardonk dropped and Barry is getting overconfident. I bet he gets KOed. Clinch up and Hardonk goes for takedowns again. Barry beasts him with an straight right and pounds him for the stoppage. That was brutal. Let’s see him against a wrestler though. PUNCH TO THE NECK! Eww!

Result: Barry by TKO in round 2

Hugging all over Joe is Barry. His eye is a mess. He does a pretty weird cartwheel backflip.

Oh jesus, stop calling it commercial free if you’re recruiting. I’d rather watch a commercial for “Paranormal Activity” than see guys turn their guns or whatever.

Stefan Struve vs. Chase Gormley
Round 1: Gormley gets a takedown. Pounds from the top. Struve has nothing. Maybe he has a leg lock. Struve sweeps after dueling leg locks. Passes to side easy. Stands up and then a trip by Struve. Now Gormley has nothing What is wring with Strive? Ref was gonna stop the fight. Gormley gets a leg lock and Struve gets back on top. Triangle from the bottom after a full mount switcheroo that Gormley fell for. What an idiot. Really slick sub and even sweeter psych out.

Result: Struve by submission in round one.

– Joe Rogan had a tongue twister; Struve sounds like the bigfoot form “Harry and the Hendersons”. He sounds gassed and then makes me feel like a bum by saying he’s only two years older than me.

Ryan Bader vs. Eric Schafer
Well it looks like they pulled the “Eric” from Schafer’s name too. Schafer comes out to Kanye? He’s toast. Granted, he used it at UFC 77 also, but it still sucks. Bader out to a Star Wars remix, or something, whatever, lame too. Bader’s getting a pretty big reaction.

Round 1: Bader looks like abully. Schafer looks like he’s cowardly. Bader backs straightup when “blocking” punches. Neither has landed nothing yet. Bader hits a lft hook that does nothig and follows with the overhand right. Bader’s jab looks sick. Wow that was ridiculous overhand right. Takedown and NASTY ground and pound. Schaer gets fard and Bader gets up angain and its a German suplexed. Nasty punches against the cage and Bader is just bullying Schafer. Bader went used a Kimura from Schafer to get a pass. Omoplata blocked. Bader stands up and the round is over.

Schafer was getting just mashed up. I give it 10-8 to Bader.

Round 2: Schafer looks like he’s been punched retarded. Bader looks like he’s gassed and then gets poked in the eye. Can we have MMA with goggles? My god. And why are guys fighting so fast? Schafer looks for the big punches now. He probably senses Bader’s fatigue. Neither landing anything, but the tiredness and beatenness makes it even. The guys are doing nothing but winging airballs. Schafer is getting too cocky. Big right by Bader. He looks more red than Red at this point. Schafer hits a big right hand and Bader shoots in at the bell.

10-10 I believe.

Round 3: Schafer turning it up. OH GOD big overhand right by Bader levels Schafer and now he’s in full guard. Bader stands up. Doc checking the cut and everyone boooooooooos. Looks like Schafer actually hit Bader’s head with his won from the bottom. They’re swinging but bot landing. Schafer did the worst clock-check I’ve ever seen. Bader his a takedown into side control. Schafer gets full guard at the horn. Fight over.

Result: Bader by unanimous decision.

Dana better tell Joe that calling the audience the b-word doesn’t work during a hard sell.

OK Guys, that’s the end of the prelim show. PPV up next!