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True Romance

It’s a slow MMA day and you know what that means: posts about jiu jitsu dudes shitting their pants, lesbian MMA filmschool, and minor league fighters getting arrested. What fun! Now let’s see … which first? Let’s do minor league fighters getting arrested. Here’s some highlights of the story:

A fugitive American cage fighter living illegally in Canada has been ordered detained after allegedly beating up his girlfriend two days after she paid a $5,000 bond to free him. Two days earlier, Surrey RCMP had been called by his girlfriend who said he had tried to choke her and threatened to kill her after he learned she’d been unfaithful.

That 37-year-old woman, who met the 20-year-old fighter online, offered to post a $10,000 bond Nov. 17 after Heinisch was arrested for being in Canada illegally. The same woman, the mother of two boys ages six and 12, made the frantic call to 911 on Nov. 19, saying Heinisch had threatened to kill her and throw her body in the ocean so no one would find it. But she was there by his side at the IRB hearing Friday, yelling “sorry” as Heinisch was escorted away.

He said he had earned his living as a cage fighter, a form of mixed martial arts where combatants duke it out in a hexagon-shaped wire enclosure. When he was first arrested by the CBSA Nov. 15, he told an agent that “he does not give a sh-t. He has the right to come into Canada. He does not give a f-ck.”

The agent’s report also quotes Heinisch saying that if deported, “he will come back and get the piece of sh-t who ratted him out.”

I know love is powerful and conquers all, but when a dude threatens to kill you and dump you in the ocean, you might want to consider breaking up. As opposed to … I dunno … bailing the dude out so he can orphan your children. But hey, having a mom is overrated. All mine ever did was make me brush my teeth and go to bed. Moms suck.

Thanks to Brad for emailing me about this one!