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The Weekly Rundown

(This fight might happen fo’ cereal.)

The beginning of August was a pretty newsworthy time for the movers and shakers of MMA. If you just woke up from hyper-sleep aboard the Nostromo, we’re here to keep you informed:

Fedor’s Choice
The biggest story this week is the signing of Fedor by Strikeforce. Zuffa and co. lost out on signing the big guy when the deal breaking “co-promotion” rhetoric couldn’t be stifled on either side. Instead of seeing the reported number one ranked Heavyweight tangle with the UFC’s big guns like Brock Lesnar, Randy Couture, Shane Carwin and Cain Velasquez and more, he’s going to try splattering Alistair Overeem, Fabricio Werdum, Brett Rogers and…..I’ll think of someone, give me a second… To be completely honest, this stuff is getting real old with. How much hearsay can we take? We aren’t businessmen (no matter how much Entrepreneur Magazine we read) and we don’t have transcripts of what goes on at negotiating tables. This stuff has mutated into the equivalent of a tabloid gossip section. Fedor can’t talk about how UFC fighters are treated since he’s never even been one. He-said/they-said is not the point of being an MMA fan. Memmer the days when rumors used to revolve around match-ups instead of contracts and lawyer speak? Those were fun times. From now on, we should take a step back, calm down and just enjoy the fighting.

Strikeforce teams with DREAM
No, not Rick Martel and Tito Santana joining up with Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake. The #2 promotion in the United States cut a deal with the #1 promotion overseas to share fighters between each other. The reason we should be excited about this is because of the MASSIVE bolstering of competitors in most weight classes. Lightweight, Middleweight and Light-Heavyweight will be the hangout spots that benefit the most from frankenstein’ing the rosters of both promotions. It sorta helps out the dearth of Heavyweights for Fedor to fight, too, since Jeff Monson, Sergei Kharitonov, Mark Hunt, Hong Man Choi and Bob Sapp are now at Strikeforce’s disposal. Well, we can only infer; stuff like this almost never turns out as well as we’d like. But hey, M-1 is also on board to co-promote as well. Man, if they keep this up there will be no more room for the fighters on event posters.

Miguel Torres gets straight Torre-d up by Brian Bowles
I’m not going to lie – my eyes are still a little misty from seeing my homie Torres lose his belt. As disappointed as I was with the result of the fight, it doesn’t mean I’m upset with who won. Bowles is the littlest monster since Maurice, and there’s absolutely no shame in losing to a pocket-sized Forrest Griffin. Brian came into this fight on a hot streak of KOing and tapping world class Bantamweights for a reason: he’s wicked talented. Don’t believe me? Go back and watch his previous fights in the WEC. Now the original stars of the promotion have given the rub to their successors in similar, brutal fashion; Superman, if you’re up there, please let Jamie Varner get mashed up next.
(What’s the over/under on Sherdog saying Torres needs to retire now?)

Understanding of unified rules upgraded from “none” to “lil bit, I guess”
The Association of Boxing Commissions had their little get together thingy and managed to help instead of hinder this time. For those who don’t memmer, last year’s meeting had the completely ridiculous changing of official weight classes that was retconned when everyone threatened with the torches and pitchforks. There’s a ton of good stuff that was clarified and official-ized (including judging), but the most important changes were the “mowhawk” area of the head being off limits to strikes and five minute breaks being allocated for all fouls – yes, including eye pokes FINALLY.

UFC to Middle East?
Dana White was in the United Arab Emirates this week attempting to cut a deal. Sounds good, right? I don’t think so, Tim: the UAE is basically the playground for some really rich dudes who run the country through nepotism. Sure it’s a highly developed nation, but you’re at the complete whim of the wealthiest men on the planet. Play your cards right in environments like that or you’ll be in the wild west with nothing you can do about it. Dana &feature=channel_page”>couldn’t even film his video blog while in the country.

UFC 101:
– Jesse Lennox defeated Villefort via TKO (cut) at 3:37 of round 3
– George Sotiropoulos defeated George Roop via submission (kimura) at 1:59 of round 2.
– Matt Riddle defeated Dan Cramer via unanimous decision.
– Alessio Sakara defeated Thales Leites via split decision.
– John Howard defeated Tamden McCrory via split decision.
– Kurt Pellegrino defeated Josh Neer via unanimous decision.
– Ricardo Almeida defeated Kendall Grove via unanimous decision.
– Johnny Hendricks defeated Amir Sadollah via TKO (strikes) at 0:29 of round 1.
– Aaron Riley defeated Shane Nelson via unanimous decision.
– Anderson Silva defeated Forrest Griffin via KO (punch) at 3:23 of round 1.
– BJ Penn defeated Kenny Florian via submission (rear naked choke) at 3:45 of round 4.

$60,000 bonuses:
– Fight of the Night: Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin
– Knockout of the Night: Anderson Silva
– Submission of the Night: BJ Penn

WEC 42:
– Brian Bowles defeated Miguel Torres via KO (punches) at 3:57 of round 1.
– Dominick Cruz defeated Joseph Benavidez via unanimous decision.
– Danny Castillo defeated Ricardo Lamas via TKO (strikes) at 4:15 of round 2.
– Takeya Mizugaki defeated Jeff Curran via split decision.
– Leonard Garcia defeated Jameel Massouh via split decision.
– Cole Province defeated Fredson Paixao via unanimous decision.
– Shane Roller defeated Marcus Hicks via unanimous decision.
– Ed Ratcliff defeated Phil Cardella via unanimous decision.
– Rani Yahya defeated John Hosman via submission (north-south choke) at 2:08 of round 1.
– Diego Nunes defeated Rafael Dias via unanimous decision
– L.C. Davis defeated Javi Vazquez via split decision.

$10,000 bonuses:
– Fight of the Night: Joseph Benavidez vs. Dominick Cruz
– Knockout of the Night: Brian Bowles
– Submission of the Night: Rani Yahya

Scott Coker shrugs off negative comments:
A great man named Jay-Z once said, “A wise man told me don’t argue with fools because people from a distance can’t tell who is who”. (Let’s forget that he was then hit with “Ether”, mmkay.) It’s nice to see a promoter roll with Dana’s insults instead of countering; the less time they spend coming up with witty retorts, the more they concentrate running a company well.

Gina training hard:
Team Carano put out a video that reassures all of us that there will be no weight shenanigans on Gina’s part for her upcoming title fight on August 15th. In response, Chute Boxe will put out a video of Cyborg training with her husband to show how scary she is (and kill the boners we got watching a sweaty Carano).

Blagoi’s girl:
“Mr. Glasshands” Blagoi Ivanov has a totally secksay girlfriend. Perfect, because I like my girls like I like my pizza: hot and greasy. And with big boobs.

Zuffa signs Affliction guys:
A bunch of dudes were pick-pocketed from the corpse of Affliction, including Javi Vasquez, Chase Gormley, Ben Rothwell, Paul Daley, Dan Lauzon, Mark Hominick, Rafael Olivera and Vitor Belfort. ‘Eight or nine’ other are in talks as well. Nice to see quality dudes given a chance after getting their grips traded for t-shirts.

Mousasi apparently lied to by M-1:
Once again – we aren’t privy to any contract dealings, but the word now is that M-1 screwed Gergard Mousasi out of fighting in the UFC for the same big money he was making in Affliction. Something like that doesn’t exactly change their public perception or quell their ever-increasing detractors.

M-1 show a mess:
Not only is there some underhanded business going on with the managerial services of M-1, the promotional side apparently sucks too. The show, scheduled for two weeks from now, was never approved by the California commission because M-1 hasn’t filled out a promoter’s license. Ever. Moving to Nevada was a no-go because of the same red tape, so now the Midwest is being scouted. Don Frye dipped out as a result of not fighting somewhere that has a commission to guarantee he gets paid. Can things be any worse for them?

Edith fired:
There goes a perfectly good set of boobies. The now former Octagon girl called in sick for mother f’n UFC 100 because she ‘wasn’t feeling well’. Truth is she was a mess from the night before. That’s manly partying right there; when you drink so much that you can’t even walk in a circle the next day. Even the guys in “The Hangover” were mobile within 24 hours.

Gono jacked up at Sengoku:
Akihiro Gono was the victim of a head kick from hell courtesy of Dan Hornbuckle last Sunday. Early reports were claiming some serious head injuries as a result of the crushing kick and wonky way he landed afterwards. We all love the violence of this sport, but sometimes you need something like this to remind you of how dangerous this game really is. Here’s to Gono making a speedy recovery so we could see him cross-dressing and break-dancing soon.

Crowd fight:
Looks like some drank caused an inter-gender tag-team fight to break out in the stands at UFC 101. If you’ve seen the beginning of Idiocracy, the kind of people who were involved in the brawls is readily apparent. (But between this, the one at UFC 91 and all the others, they still don’t hold a candle to the most surreal moment of my MMA life thus far at WEC 41; that’s a multi-part fight story that will get its own post one rainy day.)

Tito kissing Dana:
Now this wasn’t ugly because it was two guys kissing, it was ugly because it was two unattractive guys kissing. C’mon, couldn’t we get Rich Franklin and Sam Stout instead? They’re so dreamy! *swoons*

Penn calls GSP a juicer:
It’s been eight months since BJ Penn got hit with his own pimp and he’s still coming up with new excuses. In this installment of “As BJ Whines”, Penn goes the anabolic route. He claims he knows because ‘GSP doesn’t get fat between fights like me’. Well, BJ, that’s probably because he engages in physical activity, unlike you. Whatever – I’ll say it, I don’t care. It’s not like he’s gonna stop talking to us if we anger him. Then in typical BJ fashion, he shifted the blame in a failed attempt to save face.

Irvin mangled again:
Baby Jeebus, what did James Irvin ever do to you to deserve this string of bad luck? Unless he gets hit by a car on his way out of the hospital, things can’t get any worse for the guy. You’d almost have to think he crashed a truck full of mirrors. Seriously, if Irvin found a rabbit’s foot in a field of four leaf clovers he’d still get struck by lightning or something. This guy won’t even be able to cut himself shaving without us saying it’s because his house is built on an Indian burial ground.

What fighter once used “Bootylicious” as his entrance theme?

Live review of Sengoku
The real Roxanne is awesome and training with awesome people
Dana and Rogan on radio show