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The ugly face of MMA ‘news’

I thought I’d take a few moments to shed some light on the mystery of who brings you your daily dose of MMA.

Luke Thomas – Bloody Elbow
The goat makes him look like a Slayer fan.

Sam Caplan – CBS Sportsline / Five Ounces of Pain / MMAJunkie
Easily the most intimidating of the bunch. Possibly related to Karo Parisyan.

Denny Burkholder – CBS Sportsline
Looks like a pineapple with a face. Ten points for equal hair distribution between his head and chin.

Gregg Doyel – CBS Sportsline
If Luke Thomas was a metrosexual, this is what he’d look like. He’d also be called Lukke Thomas.

Loretta Hunt – The Fight Network
One of the hot ones … word is UFC guys think she’s queen bitch. Scores a 500 on the tap-o-meter. Possibly related to Helen Hunt.

Erin Bucknell – Fight Opinion
Loretta beats Erin on the tap-o-meter but only because this pic may be 10+ years old. Here’s hoping Erin challenges Loretta to jello wrestling for hottest MMA reporter cred.

Jeff Thaler – Fight Opinion
After listening to Fight Opinion Radio, I figured Jeff was a 90 pound geek. Now I wanna see a fight between him and Sam Caplan.

Jeff Sherwood – Sherdog
When it comes to making fun of Jeff, many people go the ‘Jeff is fat’ route. Me, I prefer to hit on the ‘Nice Fu Manchu, bud’ route. But there’s no denying it suites him as Emperor of MMA websites.

Josh Gross – Sherdog
The glans (Latin for “acorn”, because the glans of a penis often looks like an acorn popping out of its cap) is a structure internally composed of corpus spongiosum in males or of corpus cavernosa and vestibular tissue in females that is located at the tip of homologous genital structures involved in sexual arousal.

Jordan Breen – Sherdog
You might think Jordan’s emo because of his dumb hair, but that’s just what the wind does to hair out in Nova Scotia.

TJ de Santos – Sherdog
I don’t know why people put bad pictures of themselves up on Myspace. TJ needs to learn a few self-photography tricks from Jordan Breen. In this picture he looks like MMA’s answer to Barney Rubble.

Dann Stupp – MMAJunkie
Dann looks exactly like my boss. I’m not saying anything bad in case he actually *is* my boss.

Jesse Holland – UFCMania
If Jeremy Horn and Dana White had a baby, he would be named Jesse Holland.

Ryan Harkness – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

Jacob Fortin – Fightlinker
Sorry ladies, he’s gay.