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The UFC tries to retire Randy

Oh, UFC. You’re so sneaky with your Orwellian double-speak. The Bush administration should get you guys on the phone and ask you about damage control, because while you’re not good enough to fool the hardcores, your responses are more than adequate for those drinking the kool-aid. The news that Randy Couture has told the UFC to fuck off is still rockin’ the internets like a tsunami off the coast of Indonesia, and already Dana White has issued the following statement:

“I’m not surprised at all by Randy’s decision. I talked to Randy several weeks ago and he said that if he couldn’t fight Fedor, then he has nothing left to prove in the sport of mixed martial arts.

He has been doing a lot of acting, and I know he is in South Africa right now filming a movie. I think it’s a great move for Randy’s acting career to retire from fighting while he is on top.

As we all know, Randy retired before. The landscape in MMA changes every day. So when he is ready to come out of retirement again, he is still under contract with me, and I’m ready to promote him.”

There’s one big glaring problem with the above statement: Randy never said *nothin* about retiring.

The UFC seems to have a serious fucking problem with preemptively retiring fighters. Do you remember after Ortiz-Shamrock 3, they asked Ken if he was going to retire and he basically gave a non-commital answer? And then the announcers said “SHAMROCK RETIRED!” and they played a 10 minute tribute to Ken Shamrock retiring? Yeah, that was classy.

Also, do you remember all that Liddell retiring hogwash that was going down after his loss to Jardine? Well, for those of you who didn’t know, the majority of those rumors were caused by Dana White spending a lot of time waxing philosophical with reporters on the idea that Chuck might very well be washed up.   I’m sure that really made Chuck happy.

And now looky here … Couture says “I’m resigning from the UFC” and once again the UFC is saying “OMG RANDY RETIRED. GOOD LUCK RANDY IF U COME OUT OF RETIREMENT WE’LL SEE YOU THEN LOL!!!!!11!”

Yeeeah right.

  • pf says:

    i fucking hope se signs with m-1

  • Teufel says:

    Randy Couture’s deal with UFC expires in 9 months, after that he can sign wherever. Hopefully he’ll be fighting Fedor in May of 2008.

  • Tommy says:

    Randy did say he would retire but I think it might be a ploy to get Fedor to step up. Fedor got to want to fight Couture somewhere in his mind. Maybe this will wake him up to at least fight a one time mega fight between the two. Obviously Randy wants it so at this point it up to Fedor.

  • steve24 says:

    I see a threat in that sentence from Dana!

  • garth says:

    since i love all of the lamest interweb trends, here you are

  • garth says:

    what is it today? you have like eleventy million posts up, not counting the OMFG RADNY AR REIRED posts. did you eat a lot of bran after your cellar-hallucinations?

  • dignan says:

    I don’t know what Dana, Randy, or the UFC have up their sleeve, but it better be something fucking huge.

    I like it when people yank my chain a little, but just not so fucking hard!!!

    If Randy follows in the footsteps of The Rock, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and the, he can go fuck himself and his loads of cash.

    Why would anyone want to see Randy in a motion picture anyways??? Do they actually need a bad acting meathead? Will the Scorpion King movie have an MMA battle?

    I am so glad I don’t watch those shitty movies anyways. Fuck Dana, Fuck Randy, Fuck Tito, Fuck Randy and Jermaine, and fuck Bas Rutten. Fuck the UFC. I am going to ONLY watch Pride from now on.

  • dignan says:


  • DJ Hapa says:

    Randy wanted a live DJ at his fights and Dana wouldn’t go along with it. That was the point of contention.

  • steve24 says:

    Fightlinker: I see Dana putting words like “retire” in Randy’s mouth, but this statement is the most threatning. Break that down.

    “So when he is ready to come out of retirement again, he is still under contract with me, and I’m ready to promote him.”

  • garth says:

    on, “Fighters” translates to “Soldiers”. That’s pretty funny. They also have an article about “the most dangerous spider this side of the Atlantic: Anderson Silva”. Clever.

  • Where is DJ Happa when you need him? If the UFC signs him right away, they’ll be able to quell this Randy business right quick.

  • Terrence Halladay says:

    apparently randy couture is like a bitch in a beauty salon according to dana on yahoo right now

  • Mr. Theplague says:

    Jesus fucking christ! I go to the mall and come home to Randy resigning the UFC. I’m not going to the mall any more.

  • Ryan says:

    Wow, did you see Iole’s spin on the “retirement”? He actually moved the “tired of swimming upstream” to right before the “only makes sense to fight Fedor,” so it looks like the conflict with management is over their failure to book Fedor. God DAMN Iole loves him some o’ dat Dana White cock… absolute bullshit, kudos to White for AMAZING damage control. Iole probably gets to pitch next time, thanks to this little stunt.

  • Jake says:

    Kudos to White? I gotta tell you buddy, I have to tell you, when you get caught into a White lie, no one can ever take you seriously! haha

  • Luke says:

    This post is hilarious. Well done.

  • DJ Hapa says:

    Ok, time to figure out who the hell is running M1. I know they are having a press conference on the 23rd. Probably 50 journalists know who the company is but no one is talking! Unacceptable. We need to get these worms to spill their wormy guts and tell us who the guys behind this operation are.

  • steve24 says:

    DJ hapa. I just read that MSN sports is reporting Cuban is.

  • Alexander says:

    UFC know how remove this guy.

  • Jemaleddin says:

    You know, everybody can side with Randy and blame Dana all they want, but let’s at least acknowledge the fact that Randy is acting like a baby in all of this.

    “Did widdle puddums not get the fight him wanted? Is he gonna cwy all night? Who’s a sad widdle baby! That’s right, that’s right, it’s my widdle Wandy!”

    Wait, that makes it sound like I’m making fun of Wanderlei. Which I’m not. Cause he’s at not taking his toys and going home because people won’t let him take a turn playing with the good blocks or whatever.

  • stellar53 says:

    Fuck you Randy!!!!!!!

    Fuck you Dana!!!!!!!!

    Wanderlei wants to fuck Chuck!!!!!!!

    “Did widdle puddums not get the fight him wanted? Is he gonna cwy all night? Who’s a sad widdle baby!”


    This is all your fault fightlinker….your maniac comments always push someone’s buttons and force stupid shit to happen….ahhhhhh

    LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Gerg333 says:

    this is by far the worst article i have ever read. there is very little crediblity to it at all. and i can tell majority of you readers are not true mma fans. you go along with the trends or flip sides based solely on what one nut job writes. idiots

  • huehuig says:

    well thats why whole the world hates the USA an UFC