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The Fightlinker Hammer Contest! Winners announced!

We have our answers to the Matt Hamill Hammer biopic movie contest, and I must say I am very pleased with the results. Not only did you guys manage to submit more than 0 entries, you managed to submit over 30! If each of you guys goes out and sees The Hammer, it’ll already be outperforming Warrior! Now onto the best entries:

What magical gift was Matt Hamill rewarded with after saving the King of Cincinnati from bears?

  • The ability to pour A&W Root Beer from his right pointer finger, and the ability to clean any sock in the world by just putting it on. (OnlineRehab)
  • the ability to pleasure a woman at distance using ultronic vibration (Reverend Clint)
  • A tomato (state fruit of ohio) (CAP)
  • The key to the Bengals cheerleaders’ locker room. (CRM)
  • Brittany Houck’s vagina and butthole (Grappo)
  • “Thank you for saving me, Matt. From this point forward, you will see sounds as colors. This will help you cope in the world” “What the fuck is this guy saying, and why is there a rainbow pouring out of his face?” (AcadianBacon)
  • Trick question. There is no King of Cincinnati. Only a mayor like any other city in the United States of America. In America, there is a constitution and a pledge of allegiance which states that there shall be no kings, only appointed representatives of the people. (iamphoenix)
  • The right to escape Cincinnati by going to school in New York, while still having the right to walking out to “Hang on Sloopy” when fighting in Columbus. (vanceller)

What inspirational message did Matt’s great grand uncle leave on his pizza spelled out in pepperoni? The answers after the jump.

  • “Its Turtle Time” (Jaskie)
  • Remember who you are, Simba. (frickshun)
  • beware the downward elbow…i always loved you most (MadMan)
  • follow the path of other successful dumbasses.  learn to rassle. (Grappo)
  • You Should Be A Middleweight (Garp)
  • Don’t listen to the haters. (fishead)
  • I wanted sausage. (iamphoenix)
  • Trick question…..Matt Hamill can’t read (Omomatta)

What was the name of the evil wrestling champion Matt Hamill sent back to another dimension?

  • Hat Mammal (CRM)
  • Tim Boetsch, who is now in the middleweight dimension. (Shibo)
  • hillpillow record mudqueen (filipino wrecking machine) (MadMan)
  • D’Areek Sooblotechnicus (Grappo)
  • Macho Man Randy Savage (damn, that was sad) (Garp)
  • he sent chael sonnen to another dimension where he was forced to tell the truth (Reverend Clint)
  • He stole the hammer from Team Hammer House and sent Mark Coleman to hang out with John Bigbooté in the 8th Dimension. (fishead)

And now the winners: OnlineRehab, CRM, Garp, Madman, and Jaskie!

Email me with your shirt size and address and we’ll get these prize packs out so fast your heads will spin and explode and suddenly you will be in the wrassledimension with Hat Mammal.

I’d like to take a second again to thank TapOut for the crazy skull shirts and the people behind the Hammer movie for not only making a cool MMA related movie but putting up with our jackass contest. And of course as I learned this time, a contest isn’t a contest without the jackals participating in it. We’re going to be doing a lot more of these and I’m glad you guys enjoyed this one.

  • Crazyeyedkillah says:

    cant believe my answers didn’t even make the cut, if someone doesn’t want there prize ill take it.

  • frickshun says:

    HAHAHA!! You guys have to take that shirt….

  • Omomatta says:

    YES!!! My real account didn’t win, but two of my aliases did!

  • Carcass says:

    I still think he’s a cunt.

  • Omomatta says:


  • fightlinker says:

    you jackals you. So full of love

  • fishead says:

    I can’t believe my answer referencing The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension got an honorable mention – while the one implying that Matt Hamill wants Marlee Matlin’s seasoned (and well-spoken fingers) to do the talking on his hammer… was ignored.

    for shame.

  • OnlineRehab says:

    L or XL. Depends on how many Cowtail candies I’ve eaten that week.

  • OnlineRehab says:

    I thought my 3rd answer of “The Sandusky Scissor” was funny.

  • iamphoenix says:

    My wardrobe has no room for ugly tshirts nor do I have a dvd player. And besides, ive already won sooo many contests on here. I play for good sportsmanship and honey badgers. I was thinking about entering the totally boring contest original but since im forever alone I had no one to take a pic of me with a jakks machida toy
    balls deep in my asshole.