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The Fightlinker Guide to Shitty Affliction Shirts

The world is overflowing with idiots nowadays. There’s no doubt about it, people are getting dumber, and the dumber they get, the more sheep-like they become. In most social circles it can be hard to tell who are the brainless cattle and who are not. Fortunately for us MMA fans, that’s not really a problem: the majority of the mouth breathers out there identify themselves by wearing Affliction shirts. These basically serve as hovering neon signs above their wearers reading “I AM A GIGANTIC TOOL”.

Ah Affliction, the shirts so ugly you’d be hardpressed to identify one lying on top of a pile of mechanic’s rags. These things have really exploded in popularity amongst MMA fans. Why? Because Affliction PAID popular people (the sellouts) to wear them, and other less popular people (the sheep) saw them and followed along. Baa, sheep, Baa. At a certain point several months ago, the shirts hit the ‘tipping point’ where they got so popular that normal people assumed they must be out of touch for not liking them. But I’m here to remind you that these shirts suck a whole army’s worth of dong. Let’s break down a few shirts from the site:

Ooh, a skull wearing a tophat. I thought that shit went out of style sometime around 1988, and even then it was only cool if you were 13 or high off blow and listening to Guns’N’Roses. Affliction has a gigantic boner for skulls, be it pope skulls, soldier skulls, cowboy skulls, or skulls wearing victorian headwear or aviator sunglasses. No matter what’s going on with the design, you can never have enough skulls as far as Affliction is concerned.

I’m also very confused about the ‘stained’ look of the shirts. The last time I saw a shirt like this one, it was on a guy who’d been working in the boiler room of an iron plant for 8 hours. Since when did sweat stains become fashionable? Not that I’m against that trend – if that’s what’s in vogue then it kinda helps me out. I’m a sweaty beast. Like literally, I have a medical condition.

Another skull with tophat, this time combined with an ancient tome! This shirt looks like something pulled out of a b-rate Dungeons & Dragons adventure. The irony here is I doubt anyone who’d wear this shirt has ever read a book as thick as the one portrayed on their shirt. And no, even if the Harry Potter books did count, only watching the movies still wouldn’t.

Now this just pisses me off. How tasteful do you think it would be for Germans to wear a shirt with a skull wearing a Yarmulke on it? So why the fuck do you think it’s okay for people living in North America to wear clothes depicting dead Native Americans? Yeah, I know it’s great that we’ve decided to not give a shit about what was done to the Indians, but I still find this crap annoying as all hell.

I’m still waiting for Hasbro to sue the fuck out of the Pit for basically popping the head off a Skeletor action figure and sticking it on a He-Man figurine. Past that point, I know the ‘idea’ of a shirt with the cage imprint sounded good, but the implementation leaves something to be desired. This dude looks like a vanilla welfare spiderman redneck.

I get the feeling like this was the Affliction guys’ attempt to respond to the “All your stupid shirts look the same” accusations. And honestly, if this is the best they can do they might as well stick to the stained / skeleton / fleur de lys shit they do now because this is just about the most awful thing my eyes have ever seen. It looks like a sewing guild full of 90 year old grandmothers took a stab at “that there hardcore look the kiddies are digging right now.”

While not as bad as the celtic tattoos you’d probably find on the people wearing this shirt, the celtic designs on this shirt are pretty damned terrible. A celtic iron cross? In shining blue? How does that make any kind of sense whatsoever???

  • MacDaddy says:

    Save us, vanilla welfare spiderman redneck!!

  • Peterw says:

    Horrible shirts indeed lol

  • CagePotato says:

    Plus, they’re clearly mocking the poor dental hygiene of those dead Native Americans.

  • Tertio says:

    What did it for me is when i saw Britney Spear paparazzi fag boyfriend wear 3 different Affliction shirts in 3 different posts on TMZ (no i dont visit TMZ ever…ermm no i dont i swear i dont care about Britney and the OC crew)

  • FightStinker is RIGHT! says:

    hey guys lets not talk about horrible looking shirts…Just take a look at your shirts and then talk about someone who has garbage ass shirt designs.

  • Jemaleddin says:

    It could be worse: what if No Fear was still big? Or if Big Dog started sponsoring heavyweights? Or Izod Lacoste sponsored Rich Franklin?

  • It is obvious to me that the imagery is all taken from generic tattoo style/biker culture. They are just repackaging what it used to mean to be bad ass. “A poll conducted online in July 2003 estimated that 16% of all adults in the United States have at least one tattoo. The highest incidence of tattoos was found among the gay, lesbian and bisexual population (31%) and among Americans ages 25 to 29 years (36%) and 30 to 39 years (28%).” (Wiki) I wonder what percentage of MMA fans own Affliction gear?

  • Atom says:

    Sounds like somebody is a bit jealous that their t-shirts can’t compete with Affliction & TapouT.

    I don’t care whats on other peoples shirts, and I will say this about mma clothing lines in general- so few of my friends care about mma that if I see someone wearing one of those shirts, I might spark up a conversation.

  • Big D D says:

    Never gonna get it
    Although Atom seems to have a point. I have talked to a few peeps wearing them, and in my experience they can hang in a good conversation.

  • Nate says:

    I wouldn’t compare tapout to affliction, tapout is much better, even if their gang is retarted.

  • x5BoltMainx says:

    The red one would kick so much ass if it didn’t all of those “stains.”
    Damn enzymes!!

  • #1 jackal says:

    Jemaleddin- No Fear is still popular. Urijah Faber is sponsered by no fear and wears it all the time.

    afflicition shirts are gay and overpriced, no doubt about it. I also like how every pic of someone wearing affliction, the person is covered in tattoos. the arm sleeves tats, add to the shitty look.
    Around my home, affliction gay shirt wearers are people that only know like 3 fighters in the ufc. and everything is considered the ufc.

    This was a great read

  • occmsrazr says:

    affliction is way gay but that BS about the native americans was ridiculous. what a stretch.

    leave the racial sensitivity at the door, it’s annoying.

  • Higgz says:

    I’m just not going to pay $60 for something that looks like someone crapped all over and then smeared it in to blend with skulls.

  • Roxy says:

    So if Roxy came out wearing affliction t shirts because they gave her money, her jackal brothers would be pissed off? 😡

  • DonnyG says:

    The shirts are bad and way over priced. Around $80. But the jewelry – the jewelry is tacky, crappy and astronomically overpriced.

  • Accomando says:

    “…we’ve decided to not give a shit about what was done to the Indians…”

    Hey, they got those reservations, great places I heard.

    Seriously though, there are so many Native American Casino’s in the U.S. that they now have a legal way to “scalp the settlers” out of their money, its great.

  • winklepicker says:

    Doesn’t James Irvin have a No Fear tattoo? (Or one that looks like it was derived from a No Fear logo?) This one:

  • garth says:

    damn you 5bolt! i was going to bring up the glory of enzymes! at least i still have exclusive rights to imported rhinestones…

  • News flash: we don’t actually think everyone who wears affliction is dumb 😉 However, i would still make fun of them for bad taste. Roxy, if you got paid to wear the shirts, I’d be happy for you but it’d still be kinda like being paid to wear a clown costume :-p

  • Tertio says:

    Personally its the posers and the kids with “I wear an Affliction shirt so fear me, I’m a badass” attitude that makes me vomit squirrels.

    I think Roxy wouldnt qualify as a poser if she wore an affliction shirt.

  • The Gaijin says:

    That would be “Bad Boy” good sir.

  • natureboy says:

    all the shirts you showed up there are indeed horrible. but there are some good affliction shirts.

  • marshal says:

    If only Affliction could bottle the scent of the homeless to go with this attire.

  • Trembling Eagle says:

    crosses and skulls, gothic lettering
    MMA has been toying with neonazi symbology for so long
    its a wonder there are only a few fighters who are openly WP

  • shanaconda says:

    so how much would affliction have to pay you to start sucking their skull tattooed tophat wearing dick, i’m guessing $50 but maybe I’m lowballing a bit… i like my ‘four horseman of the apocalypse’ fake stanfields undershirt, makes me feel like it’s the mid-80s again and people talk to me about MMA in it… and i love to talk about MMA even with excited people who wonder when Couture is fighting Sherk

  • Thank god I never paid the $80 get one of those pieces of shit. I did how ever buy a Mike Swick shirt that is semi-racist but funny.

  • For us to sell out? Sponsorship deal i’d say like 5k, or for a jackal shirt, 10k and we’d get veto on the design. Of course, that wouldn’t stop us from talking about how ugly most of their other shit is 😉

  • x5BoltMainx says:

    So if Roxy came out wearing affliction t shirts because they gave her money, her jackal brothers would be pissed off?

    I would be glad because you finaly landed a sponsor.

    Garth, you can have those rhinestones, they don’t match my shoes 😛

  • #1 Jackal says:

    i was thinking that was bad boy to. vitor belfort use to wear bad boy many years ago.

  • kentyman says:

    They look masterfully hand-grinded in select areas…

  • Kel says:

    The guy who’s posing with the shirts has all of the designs tattooed on his arms…notice the combination of skulls, top hats, smoke, spider webs, skeletor, did I mention skulls…

  • esther says:

    Did they spell that second skull/tophat shit, I mean, shirt, “Aficianados” on purpose?

  • Eric says:

    I’ll never understand why people hate on Affliction so much. Their shirts are overpriced, but so is everything anymore. That $80 Abercrombie & Fitch button down that you wore to the bar Friday night…that was overpriced. Affliction’s “thing” is skulls, wings, crosses and other symbols. They have good marketing and have everyone from sports stars to rock stars wearing their stuff. Don’t blame the brand for the people who buy their shit.

  • kentyman says:

    I blame the brand for their ridiculously ugly style. The fact that douchebags love it is just a bonus.

  • james says:

    ummm reality check if u got into mma because of spike tv which is mostly all of you. You need to remember that u guys are sheep to spike tvs sheep ive watched mma since 1 when gracie would pull hair or u could get a groin knockout so sheep yes u are all sheep so analize your shit talk SPIKE TV SHEEP u fukers didnt even know what jiu jitsu was till u saw it on spike tv guarantee. Before spike let u know their was another sport out their gracie was this bit close to closing his schools gracies gymn was right around the corner from me and i would always go to his classes and was really sad that he was gonna shut down but then spike tv comes out and boom the following month gracie opens two more gymns im happy for gracie but then comes useless spike tv fans whos think their mma material all of a sudden. o and yes these shirts are selling up the ass so i dont think their that bad cause i doubt someone would buy something that looked ugly O AND REALITY CHECK IF U ARE TRYING TO BE AN MMA FIGHTER GIVE UP GO GET A JOB AND FEED UR GOD DAMN FAMILY! REALITY CHECK TO ALL U SO CALLED MMA DIE HARD FANS pffff. SHEEP MOTHERFUKER SHEEP!

  • Keith says:

    Fightlinker you sound like you are pissed that your welfare ass can’t afford these t-shirst so you “hate” them. Everyone is all bitchy about “sheep” and all that crap but why do you give a shit? Sounds to me like you have no life so you have to hate on others. Go get a job dumbass.

  • CENTURY says:

    AFFLICTION IS THE NEW ABER CROMBIE AND BITCH. I dont think all the shirts are ugly but they have definately quite a few gay ones. I dont buy anything designer and yes these shirts could fall into that catagory unfortunately. I guess its all about money no matter what you are talking about. It Just is sad that like most things people are just waiting to jump onto the next bangwagaon and paying 60-100 for a t-shirt says more about the people who buy them than the people who sell them. I cant wait for the fight on the 19th but trust me I wont be wearing an affliction shirt to it. I’ll leave that up to the sheeple.

    Editor Of The Truth