twitter google

Technique of the day: Alexandru Lungu’s flabby boob smother

When he made his debut by losing in embarrassing fashion to James Thompson at PRIDE 30, who would have ever guessed that Alexandru Lungu would have ended up as a pioneer of awesome technique? And when we witness the fact that his body contains enough whale blubber to light up New York City in 1850, who would guess that it is precisely the epic fatness of his massive breasts that are the source of his great power? Lungu has now finished three of his eight wins with a move uniquely suited to his 6’0”, 360lb frame: the flabby boob smother. Here is how the move goes:

  • Step 1: Execute a takedown and secure full mount.
  • Step 2: Mash your gigantic tits into your opponent’s face, not allowing him access to air.
  • Step 3: Don’t concern yourself with whether your opponent’s arm is across your head in arm triangle position or whether he believes he is not in any danger because he has an over-under grip on your arms. The goal is to make your opponent drown by sucking down a lungful of your funbags.
  • Step 4: Wrap your arms around your opponent’s head from above the shoulders and further grind your honkers into his unfortunate face.
  • Step 5: Profit!!!

As if it wasn’t cool enough that he now walks out wearing freshly-hunted fur and carrying a giant sword, here are three videos of Lungu executing this masterful technique on victims who cannot cope with the battlefield superiority of three barrels’ worth of pork fat. Students of grappling, take heed: