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After James Toney skipped the UFC 118 press conference over some imagined slight from Dana White, I was hoping that'd be the last we heard of him. Surely no one who just got their asses handed to them as straightforward and methodically as Toney just did would come back and keep talking shit, right? Right???

Well not only is Toney already acting like he's a superstar athlete who did great things in the cage on Saturday, he sounds like he wants to do it again:

I'm in it for the long run baby. I'm the only two sport athlete out there and I'm doing the 2 most dangerous sports in the world. No other man will try to do that.

Except KJ Noons and a bunch of other fighters that have competed in both. Lil Nog, Marcus Davis, and even women like Erin Toughill have boxing experience and fared much much much much much much better in MMA than Toney. Although it'd be hard to do worse. I've seen grappling dummies that put up more of a fight than Toney did.

PC: Dana White said you lasted a lot longer than he thought you would and it appeared like it would be over within the first minute.

JT: I told you, I'm a rare breed and my breed only comes along every 20 years. I knew Dana was trying to throw me to the dogs, but I wanted that. In fact, he didn't throw me to the dogs; I went looking for them. I went looking for trouble. That's why they call me JT, "Just Trouble." I loved it. I had fun in there and I can't wait to do it again.

Can't wait to get paid another million bucks is more like it. Fortunately, it doesn't sound like Dana is interested in doing that again. So where does that leave Toney? Well he could always throw out the first pitch at a MLB game and become a three sport superstar, or crash an Indy car into a pile of tires so he can add racing prodigy to his resume as well.

...is over. Thanks everyone for showing up!

Surprise surprise! James Toney showed up to the UFC weigh-ins looking like a slovenly pile of shit with his giant ass literally hanging out of his pants. Steve Cofield's monocle pops out in disbelief, remembering Dana White's mantra that Toney was 'in shape' this time:

What happened to all the hard work? We heard James Toney had gotten himself into shape. You can crow about being in the best condition of your life but the scale doesn't lie. Toney stepped on stage Friday at the UFC 118 weigh-in and checked in at a ridiculous 237 pounds. That matches his heaviest weight ever as a boxer. It's 20 pounds heavier than his last boxing match just 11 months ago against Matthew Greer. Keep in mind, Toney spent most of his boxing career between 160-175 pounds. At barely 6-feet tall, 237 pounds is a lot to carry.

Translation: Oh chubby boy, you fat! Too many ding dongs and deep fried pizza for you. If James Toney actually worked out hard for the past three months, then he can thank MMA for than just the rumored 750k - 1mil purse he'll be getting. He's probably bought himself another year or two before his heart clogs and he dies on the toilet like Elvis.

More pictures of Toney's sloth at Combat Lifestyle's UFC 118 weigh in gallery.

Wanderlei Silva would like you to know he'll be back in February 2011. He's also in a gay Amish boy band now.

Ok so my title might be a little far fetched but just look at the figures. My favorite is how his vo2 max test showed him to be in the range of 20 year old super athletes.  If you are familiar with many of these "Fight Science" shows you know Randy has been tested many time to the same results... he is a super human being.I would love to see the UFC test all their fighters but then again I'm just a big old nerd.

James Toney may be able to punch harder with one punch but Randy has everything else in his favor.

Another show featuring Randy after the jump!

Hey, Strikeforce fans. How are... things? I know you guys were all psyched to see Nick Diaz and Mayhem Miller engage in a shit talking war to rival Bret Hart v Shawn Michaels, but that's apparently not going to happen because Diaz is suddenly incapable of fighting above the 170 weight that he's hit twice in the last two years. But hey - at least you guys have that "alliance" (read: incredibly selective match making agreement) with DREAM, so maybe they can find him an opponent! And think about it - what are the odds that they would give Mayhem an opponent that was like your childhood dog and favorite superhero growing up all in one? And that the match up itself would be a mockery... that seems like it would be really rare!

If you've eaten anything recently, point away from the screen.

With his grudge match on hold, Jason "Mayhem" Miller (23-7 MMA, 1-1 DREAM) will tide himself over by fighting an MMA legend.

The colorful Strikeforce fighter will returns overseas to face Kazushi Sakuraba (26-13-1 MMA, 3-3 DREAM) at DREAM.16, which takes place Sept. 25 at Nippon Gaishi Hall in Nagoya, Japan.

I'm sure that the MMA geek in Mayhem is flat out geeked for this fight, but it truly is a "tiding over" move - if he loses, then holy fucking shit, and if he wins, then who fucking cares. Pro wrestling is the strongest style, but this is a squash match, akin to Andre the Giant letting Hulk Hogan be the first man to slam him in order to put him over.

HDNet Fights today announced the fight, as well as a previously reported fight between Tatsuya Mizuno (8-5 MMA, 1-0 DREAM) and Gegard Mousasi (29-3-1 MMA, 7-0 DREAM) for the first-ever DREAM light-heavyweight title.

"Gegard? Scott. Listen, I know you looked like shit against Mo, who in turn looked like shit against Feijao. So you fighting Feijao now would be a bad idea! And we have no light heavyweights to speak of! I suck at my job! ANYway, DREAM's setting you up against an 8-5 guy so that you have a belt when we put you against Feijao anyway. Blorp!"

Also announced was a long-rumored bout between Bellator season-two featherweight-tournament winner Joe Warren (5-1 MMA, 2-1 DREAM) and UFC/PRIDE vet Michihiro Omigawa (11-8-1 MMA, 2-0 DREAM). Warren, of course, is also slated to fight Bellator champ Joe Soto at Bellator 27 on Sept. 2, three weeks before his DREAM.16 bout.

Ok, that's a dank fight (don't be fooled by the record - Omigawa is legit). Everything above it is bullshit.

Joe Lauzon  vs. Gabe Ruediger

Reverend- Battle of the TUF 5 guys. Creepy Joe vs Cake Boy. J-lau has beaten a who's who of "Hey it's that Guy" fighters and Godzilla Gabe has been stomping his way through the regional circuit. Neither guy is really a world beater but still definite Fight Night or under card quality. I don't remember much about Gabe other than he was a crying, cake eating, douche bag on the show but going off his record he has subs. Creepy Joe has 5 "Of the Night" awards but his 2 fight of the night awards came during loses. I expect this fight will be at the very least fun and might end up getting some kind of award.

Joe Lauzon via Unanimous Decision

Subo- The undeniable funniest moment in the history of TUF - aside from maybe that time that Hughes' strength coach decided to spoon with a fighter that was too tired to wrestle - was Gabe's "put me back in, B" speech from the floor of the TUF house directly outside the sauna. Gabe had been witnessed (and criticized for) chowing down on cake leading up to his fight, causing him to miss weight. He's been on a tear lately, but none of the fighters he's beaten have the tenacity, skill, or overall stalker factor like Creepy Joe. Also, this was fucking hysterical.

Creepy Joe via Violation of Restraining Order

Bas Rutten pantomimes September 11th. As in what's going to happen on September 11th 2010 at that Shark Fights event in Texas. I think. Either fits. I have a suspicion Bas suffered a secret stroke and can't say more than three or four words anymore without honking like a duck. Weeeeeeooooooo prshkaw! Boong boong baba bam. Dees ees hoow eee taalk naaaw!

Anyways, after the jump is another Bas video, a Don Frye video (fuck yeah), and the completed lineup for the Shark Fights PPV. Why Bas and Don? They'll be the commentators for the PPV broadcast! This might be the last time I talk about this event since as a certified piece of shit I am unable to talk about stuff happening on September 11th without making 9/11 jokes. It's really good though. Shark Fights. Not 9/11. I think we all agree that was bad.

With politicians figuring out it's a lot easier to do what they want if they just decide not to talk to the media, it was only a matter of time before others got in on the action. Like Shane Carwin, who didn't quite get caught with his hand in the steroid cookie jar but had receipts for said cookies shared with the world by a federal prosecutor.

That was half a month ago and at the time MMA sites were told Carwin would be 'making a statement at a later date'. So rather than throw someone under the bus for flimsy evidence like detailed lists of prescriptions and shipping manifests for several orders of Testosterone, Trenbolone Acetate, Nandrolone Decanoate, Stanozolol, HGH, hCG, and Anastrozole, the MMA media waited for that statement.

Which never came. And now:

Some of you are upset because Carwin seems to have gotten away with all this sans the appropriate socially decided level of shaming normally reserved for juicers. And many others are worried that what's gone on WAS what we as a society decided was shaming. Tis a pale shaming indeed, I say. Back when I was a newb we strung steroid poppers up by the balls - Josh Barnett will forever be a fight leper and Sean Sherk still hasn't recovered from the gangbang unleashed on him when he tested positive in 2007.

But don't worry too much. When it's time for Shane to step back into the cage, even his scary rape stare won't be enough to stop every MMA blogger and fan from harassing him about the situation. When it comes down to it, the ones that suffer the worst are always the ones who try to deny or dodge responsibility for juicing.

Did you know a cop can arrest you for telling her to suck your cock? Yeah, I learned that one the hard way a few years ago. Now that I am older and wiser, I can kinda see how that should have been pretty obvious. Less obvious reason for being arrested that Spencer Fisher just learned? Not moving your car after a cop tells you to.

Mickey Dubberly of KO Dynasty today told MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) the incident resulted from Fisher double-parking while picking up his daughters from school. The arrest took place Tuesday in Fisher's hometown of Bettendorf, Iowa.

"Spencer went to pick up his daughters from school, and he doubled parked because there were no other parking spaces available," Dubberly stated in an email to MMAjunkie.com. "The police asked Spencer to move his car, and Spencer stated he would only be a second. The police asked him again to move his car, and Spencer kept proceeding to pick up his daughters from school."

That's when Fisher was arrested. He posted the $300 bail soon after. Dubberly doesn't expect any additional problems due to the incident.

Let's take a moment to salute all those shitty "Respect mah authoritah" cops who can escalate a double-parked car 'situation' into a full blown arrest. Way to go, officer. Suck my cock.