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Steven Seagal will fight Randy Couture for free

I hope you’re getting used to Steven Seagal’s presence in the world of mixed martial arts because it seems to be upgrading from occassional appearances at Anderson Silva fights to regular impositions of his stupid opinions and warped views on reality. While his latest interview with Ariel Helwani on the MMA Hour doesn’t compete in the Bat Shit Crazy department with The Voice’s show from last month, there’s still a few gems in there. Like Steve’s opinion on Georges St Pierre:

“I think [St-Pierre] is a really nice guy. I think he is a good fighter and a good martial artist. Would I call him great? No, I just think he’s a wonderful and good martial artist and good guy. Some people are born with greatness, and some people sort of acquire it, but I think with time, he will become better and better.”

Now that may seem harsh, especially coming from an bloated blowhard who hasn’t been relevant in martial arts for multiple decades. But keep in mind that Seagal doesn’t even consider Michael Jai White or Chuck Norris real martial artists. So being a ‘good’ martial artist in his books is barely a diss!

Also not a diss was Randy Couture’s joking statement a while back that he’d only come out of retirement to fight Steven Seagal. Most of us with half a brain understood that to mean ‘When Hell freezes over’ or ‘When pigs stop making shitty action movies and step into the cage.’ But you know Ariel Helwani – he’s always stirring that pot, and Seagal took his news of Couture’s ‘challenge’ seriously:

“I really have to kind of wonder what his intentions and motivations may have been in saying that. I always thought that Randy was my friend and a gentleman. I’m kind of confused as to why he would say that. All I can say is, I’m here. Anybody can find me anytime and anyplace. If Randy really wants to fight me, he can fight me anytime he wants. It’ll be for free, and it’ll be some place where there are no witnesses.”

Probably because Seagal has a bad habit of shitting his pants during fights and it would be better if no one were there to see that. If only Randy Couture was a sadistic dickhole, then maybe we’d hear tales of how he took Seagal up on his offer and spent an hour bending him into a big fat pretzel on the ground. Maybe Ronda Rousey should step up on this one. He did say ‘anyone, anytime, anyplace’ after all.