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Picture Retrospecticus: Cain Velasquez’s Title Run

1) After seeing so many fighters cut weight for a size advantage, “Big” Ben Rothwell had been starving himself to make 205. Anorexia doesn’t even exist in Mexico so when Cain found out, he took swift action. Here we see him forcing Big Ben to eat a burrito. You can’t see it because Cain made sure Ben swallowed it whole.

2) Rothwell immediately felt his energy levels returning and his self-esteem soar. He was so grateful to Cain that he asked him to partner up for the wheelbarrow race in the upcoming UFC Field Day.

3) When a geriatric, staph-infected Big Nog creeped into the cage, Cain showed his full repertoire with the “Is that a peso behind your ear” trick. It’s always a huge hit with the elderly.

4) In his title fight, fight fans were finally seeing what all the hype was about. Pulling out all the stops, Cain used his sultry brown Mexicano eyes to hypnotize Brock Lesnar into thinking he was a dog.

6) He then got Brock to roll over & play dead. This was followed up by checking Lesnar’s teeth for plaque build-up & cavities.