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Paul Kelly doesn’t believe in full disclosure

Our friends over at Fighters Only magazine have an excerpt from a new book that is pretty revealing, not only to us but to Paul Kelly’s girlfriend as well:

As an energetic youth with a healthy disregard for authority, life for Kelly involved countless brawls – and frequent scrapes with the law. ‘I’ve been arrested for a few different things- kidnapping and affray, dangerous driving and pretty much everything, you know?’ Paul said candidly, quickly throwing his girlfriend into a panic as she listened in on the interview. ‘It’s OK, he’s writing a book- it’s all in the past anyway’ he consoled her.

Now I’m not the most educated person on how the legal cogs and sprockets work over across the Atlantic, but I’m pretty sure there’s no expiration date on kidnapping. We don’t know how long this girl has been with Paul, yet it’s safe to assume the whole panicking thing on her part is pretty indicative that she isn’t OK with her boyfriend’s past.

Imagine being in her place: you’re a ‘bag’ who finally meets a nice ‘prawn’ and then he ‘parps’ up about his childhood; turns out the ‘basket’ was not only a thief, but a thief of actual full sized human beings.

There are certain things you can deal with in a relationship if you really love someone. Even Forrest Whitaker dated the lady boy in “The Crying Game”. Kidnapping is not one of those things. If she really wants it to work out between them, she needs to do one thing: get fat. Everyone knows fat people are hard to kidnap. It’s science. Kelly says he’s a changed man, but you never know when he’s gonna get the urge to throw someone in the back of a hollowed out van for old time’s sake.