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If there’s one thing you can count on with the UFC, it’s that every time they come within a few hundred miles of Cincinnati, they’ll throw Jorge Gurgel on the card. Jorge is like one of those small yappy dogs that doesn’t realize they’re small … he’s willing to fight anyone, regardless of how badly he’ll get destroyed.

I was at UFC 77 in Cincinnati when Alvin Robinson pounded on Gurgel for three straight rounds, and it wasn’t pretty. But it WAS entertaining! Well, at least it was for out of towners like me and Jake. Everyone else looked like they were watching their best friend get stabbed in the neck at a Burger King. Gurgel’s got fans for weeks in Ohio, so it doesn’t surprise me that the UFC brings him back whenever they’re around, despite his questionable skills.

To me, Alvin Robinson seemed like a gimme for Gurgel … the UFC equivalent of a nice softball their boy could knock out of the park. Kenny Florian dismantled Robinson like a marine dismantles his gun: disturbingly quick. The fact that Gurgel couldn’t get past him was not a good sign. Next up on the softball express is John Halverson, who lost to Roger Huerta in 17 seconds but doesn’t have too shabby of a record in the minors.

It’s funnny – Gurgel has better success when he slugs it out like a retard. It was when he tried to use a standard jiu-jitsu gameplan that he got creamed by Robinson. Okay … sure he takes a licking every time he steps into the ring. But he didn’t look too bad in his loss to Mark Hominick and actually managed to win his other two fights. So here’s hoping this jiu jitsu guy goes in and tries to slug it out again … either way, it’s always fun watching Gurgel in action.

Every day I get email from people saying “Fightlinker, you’re lucky you’re just a punk ass keyboard warrior or I’d kick your ass in the ring!” Little do they know that I’m just as totally wicked inside the ring as I am on the internet. And now it is time to prove my manliness by stepping up and challenging someone. But who to challenge???

After some consideration, I’ve decided it’s time to kick “Five Ounces of Pain” ringleader Sam Caplan‘s ass. After a few emails where I assume he though I was joking, I called him out on his own website and now we’re both in agreement: It’s time to get into a ring or cage and settle this shit like cavemen.

Details right now are sketchy as we look for a legitimate avenue to smash eachother’s skulls in, but rest assured that this fight will generate a media frenzy the likes of which has never been seen before in the blogosphere. I know we’ve had World of Warcraft players shoot eachother, and chatroom suicides … but have we ever had an MMA match to determine blog supremacy? That’s way less depressing than those other things!

My fellow Fightlinkers, I promise I will not dishonor you by losing to someone from a tame site like “Five Ounces of Pain”. By the time I’m done with him, Sam Caplan will look worse than his ProElite page. This I swear by Odin’s beard!

More proof that Randy Couture is nothing more than a shameless bastard who will go to any length to sway public opinion his way. He recently put up a series of photos on his blog containing the most cutest puppies in the universe. Click more for the full cuteness explosion, but be careful … it may cause your heart to grow and tears to glisten in your eyes:

There’s a new addition to the Couture family. A Red Sesame female Shiba Inu named Miso.

Kim flew Miso in from North Dakota yesterday and surprised Randy with an early Christmas gift. Miso will join Saki a male Shiba Inu in the Couture household. Saki is a year and a half old and was a present from Randy to Kim.

They’re both using the same nutritionist, Ashley Borden:

Ashley Borden is a fitness and lifestyle consultant to some of Hollywood’s most recognizable faces and world class athletes. Her unique approach to fitness can be attributed to having tackled her own personal struggles, transforming them into a positive philosophy and dynamic training program – making her one of the most sought-after experts in her field.   Clients have included: Christina Aguilera, Chaka Khan, Mandy Moore, Sean Hayes, Tori Spelling, Poppy Montgomery, Sydney Poitier, Lauren Graham.

Of course, if you want to find out more about her, you can cruise over to her myspace account where it’s revealed she believes in ‘The Secret‘ (not cool), phreaks for Burning Man (very cool), and is in love with her boyfriend Cool Breeze Steeves (how sweet).

Best of all, she’s fucking smoking, and I hope she’s in Matt’s corner at UFC79 if not for any other reason than to suggest Hughes eats a banana after getting his ass kicked to get his potassium levels back up. I’d also like to add a joke about offering her something of mine with certain nutrients but I can’t seem to find what semen is full of so I’ll just have to pass this time.

By now you all realize that the Gods of Awesomeness have struck down Matt Serra so that GSP can challenge Matt Hughes on New Years eve. Serra described the injury for the boys at MMAWeekly:

“My students had to help me up and I got through the shower pretty painfully. My brother had to get my socks and shoes on and then they took me home. Then, the next day, I went to the hospital, got an MRI. I’ve got two herniated discs in my lower back.”

Matt Hughes has been very classy about the switch-up, turning the conference call regarding the new matchup into the “Why Matt Serra is a wuss” show, complete with this stab on his homepage:

Before my Royce fight, I had three bulged discs that I was able to repair enough to fight. As everybody knows you never go into a fight 100%. So, I’m just going to continue to train until I find out what’s next.

Of course, If I was Hughes, I’d be pissed too: he just went from *giving* a guaranteed ass-whippin to *getting* a guaranteed ass-whuppin. Although props to Matt for agreeing to this. Or maybe I should be saying props to Jesus Christ for tricking Matt into thinking he’s going to win so he would agree to this. Yeah … that sounds more accurate.

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